sweet escape

A broken heart

2011-11-30T19:15:00.000-08:00

I think, in the face of pain and indecision, all I can really do is just curl up in bed, under the sheets, close my eyes and just hope that in the next moment I wake up, the world will seem a little less dark.

Argh really want to get out of Melbourne, at least for a little while. Where's a plane ticket when you need one.

Think it's time to start running back to the cross. I just hope, I'm not too late.

love, the future

2011-10-18T23:00:00.000-07:00

i will see the season through,
i will fix my eyes on You

I want to travel.

I really do. Though I wonder if I ever really will. You know, actually stop wishing and talking about all these festering dreams and desires and just DO IT. GO. GET. What's stopping me from walking out to STA travel and booking a flight?

I wonder.

I don't just want to travel though, I feel like, I want to experience more things, to explore. To have the courage (well, okay and I guess to a certain extent the stamina) to push myself out of my comfortable, predictable little bubble into a place that'll really challenge me to be braver, wiser, better.

Then again, this could all just be another one of those wistful 'I wish' & 'If only' posts. Because there's a part of me that really likes my bubble. I like being comfortable and knowing what I'll have for breakfast (okay fine, lunch) the next day or what classes I'm going to and WHERE. there's always this crippling fear that my useless no-sense of direction will leave me abandoned in the middle of nowhere one day.

Life can be so conflicting sometimes. But I'm really blessed to have options, and for that I'm grateful.

Pensive thoughts

2011-07-24T06:19:00.000-07:00

More than the air I breathe, more than the song I sing
more than the next heartbeat, more than anything

Wow, I have unknowingly taken a four month hiatus from writing. It wasn't until recently that I can successfully say I've finished, and by finish I mean thoroughly and completely, reading Eat, Pray, Love. That's probably an understatement, I practically devoured the book over the course of four (late) nights. Such a shame, I know, for someone who claims to love books and reading, I've got a growing stack of unread/partially-read books patiently sitting on my table. I SHALL VOW TO FINISH THEM ALL (before I start spoiling myself with new ones). I'm currently on my second attempt at finishing Lisa Bevere's 'Fight like a Girl'. I'm only on my 25th page, but already I'm feeling empowered and ready to CONQUER THE WORLD. It's like nourishment for the feminine soul :)

A note on Eat Pray Love-I found it truly inspiring on so many levels, which probably explained why I sacrificed precious sleep, eagerly flipping the pages till the early hours of the morning. Perhaps what spoke volumes to me was her struggle to find contentment and peace in a truly chaotic and static-y world. I mean, surely we can all relate to that at some point in our lives? And it is only when she had learned to break away from the white noise and allowed herself to experience God wholeheartedly could she mend the broken-ness, hurt and resentment, and find joy.

I'd definitely buy this as a gift for a girlfriend of mine :)

After two whole weeks of company and bliss of having mum around, she finally packed her bags, gave us tight hugs and with tears in her eyes promised we'd see each other again soon. And we will, I know we will. Yet the silence still echoes in our small apartment, and I know I'm going to miss her rummaging around in the kitchen early in the morning, hearing her voice (though with nagging undertones urging me to wake up), and just..her. I'm just going to miss her.

The thing is, no matter how many times a loved one visits, for however long, it is always hard to say goodbye. Goodbyes are tough-often bittersweet and tinged with the hopefulness of when we would reunite. But I've been so blessed with the most amazing mother, the most amazing family. And it's quiet times like these when I'm feeling all weepy, nostalgic and introspective, that I offer up a prayer of gratitude, for blessing me with the abundance of a loving mom, dad and sister.

And for now, at least for this moment, I have found my contentment in them-my 'ohana' :)

I guess the change in my pocket just wasn't enough

2011-03-13T21:33:00.000-07:00

just a spoonful of sugar

makes the medicine go down

photobooth is so much fun :) i'm buzzed i finally got my instax mini up and running and working properly. time to capture them happy moments.

i'm temporarily out-of-order in terms of words-i forget how to write :( but nehmind i'm still getting my head around final year even though we're already 3 weeks in. bronchitis can do that to you i guess.

also, my heart is still slowly breaking for Japan, New Zealand and the homefront still recovering from the floods. just another 'why' to add to the growing list i'll probably never get answers to.

#206

2010-12-17T01:23:00.000-08:00

He promised not to leave us, & His promises are true
so in this chaos baby, I can dance with you

I saw half a rainbow today.

It gave me hope.

Excerpt

2010-12-05T19:11:00.000-08:00

friends, lovers,

or nothing.

'Each second makes its mark on every single person's life. comes and then goes, quietly disappearing without fanfare, evaporating into air like steam from a piping hot Christmas pudding. Enough time leaves us warm; when our time is gone, it too leaves us cold. Time is more precious then gold, more precious than diamonds, more precious than oil or any valuable treasures. It is time we do not have enough of; it is time that causes war within our hearts, and so we must spend it wisely. Time cannot be packaged and ribboned and left under trees for Christmas morning.

'Time can't be given, but it can be shared.'

-The Gift, Cecelia Ahern

Sigh, tis the season to be jolly? :( I could use a nice slice of forget-me pie and a cup of hot i-wish-this-never-happened chocolate. Perhaps in Gloria Jeans? WHY MUST I OVER-THINK EVERYTHING, i am exhausted. Please brain, neurons, conscience what-have-you, take a nice vacation and let me rest for awhile lah okay? Terlalu penat berfikir like, all the time.

Sometimes, I wish(ed) I was braver.

D&J, it's going to be okay. :)

Forever reign

2010-10-10T21:39:00.000-07:00

Oh, I'm running to your arms, I'm running to your arms
the riches of Your love, will always be enough

Amidst the hustle&bustle, the trips&falls, You quietly slipped in and swept me off my feet.

Learning to fall in love with You all over again :)

M was missing :( but other than that, this was pure heaven-sent :) could definitely do with more days like these.

The Search for something More

2010-09-16T04:45:00.000-07:00

we believe for, even greater
we believe for more

Since spring is near, I figured the old space could be spruced and swapped for a different look-a 'spring cleaning' if you will :) besides, sometimes I reckon fresh ideas and inspiration unwraps itself along with the presence of something new.

It's struck me recently how easy it is to get swept up in the tornado of events, serving, socializing, friends & family encircling you on a regular basis. How easy it is to get lost within that vortex of pandemonium that you suddenly find yourself losing focus & perspective.

Sometimes I find that I lose myself along the way too.

Then all of a sudden when the storm calms, and the disarrays settles, you're left with all these different sorts of fragments of a puzzle which you're frantically struggling to piece back together-hoping that in some way you could find the person you once were, and find your way back.

It's tiring though. & it's experiencing that isolated silent grief of losing yourself when you realize that, it's things like these that really rob you from claiming joy, peace & rest. and i never doubted for a second that this was not at all how You intended it to be.

Life-as challenging, difficult & bittersweet as it is- I still believe is worth striving through the pain, confusion & hurt; because knowing that you're actually here for a purpose, somehow protects the fire that's burning somewhere inside.

The hope, & the knowledge, that I'm here to make a difference.

Locked hearts & hand grenades

2010-09-04T04:47:00.000-07:00

only You can make me whole
give me strength to make me grow

I sometimes wonder about those moments- life in all it's busyness, chaotic-frustration and disappointments that snares itself so frighteningly comfortable around us it becomes a second layer of who we are.

I wonder about those moments-you know, the one's where you're desperately scrolling through your itunes to find a song loud enough to drown the emptiness swelling within you. or sometimes how quietness is so loud i can feel it reverberating from my core.

That moment when I actually did step out for a run (okay fine, brisk walk/jog at best from my absolute fail lack-of-stamina) and my feet were pounding pavement, it felt exhilarating; somewhat akin to escapism though I know its naive to think i can literally 'run' from my troubles. nevertheless, it was my moment (to escape)-to feel that even if it was for only a minute, i could just run as fast and as hard as my feet would carry me.

and in that one minute, i could feel nothing, and everything at once.

beautiful :)

I wonder if i'm the only one who remembers moments like these, & then muse about them in retrospect haha :)

I'm thankful for a lot of things really. just recently i met a girl called Zina (okay this might be somewhat inaccurate) in one of my lectures. a vibrant and colorful character that totally made me smile :) and that's why i thank You for these random little blessings-because You know how they absolutely make my day.

You are forever mine

2010-08-14T08:02:00.000-07:00

He will my shield and portion be
as long as life endures

One cries "I want God more than I need answers."

If a desperate heart is what it takes, then a desperate heart it shall be :)

Went for a picnic today, though somewhere along the lines the actual picnic was unraveling at the seams-so different to how i had envisioned it in my head (of all days today was MEGA windy -.-).

Yet somehow in the little nooks and crevasses of our conversations, we tucked ourselves away in the layers of our sharing. It was comforting to have a shoulder to lean on; but more than that, to see the immense growth, maturity & love of someone I've come to hold so dear to me, sends my heart into mini-palpitations of joy :)

Hey boy, I'm so extremely proud of you. :)

More importantly, He is absolutely beaming with joy!

MMMMMMM GOOD THINGS TO COME! :) can't wait for catch up week next week man. oh, & studies haha.

Hold my heart

2010-08-05T21:00:00.000-07:00

I'll be by your side, whenever you fall
in the dead of night, whenever you call

When will i ever learn.

At this point, it just seems inevitable that history in all it's recurring futility is somehow doomed to repeat itself. If only divulging all my pocketbook secrets were as easy as heaving an exasperating sigh; swoosh in one swift motion, into the atmosphere & blending together with the rest of the world's untold stories.

Note to self: let's keep moving forward okay? Eyes ahead, shoulders back, & smile. Never look back.

I've got the weight of the world on my shoulders, but I've got the sun in my hand.

no body's perfect

2010-08-02T06:13:00.000-07:00

in the quiet, in the stillness I know,
that you are God

It's only by delving deep enough into the OT that I suddenly realized, scattered throughout history were men & women of incredible faith, yet that didn't exclude them from experiencing anguish, pain & countless other woe-is-me moments.

As i sat cross legged on my bed and pored through the pages of the books, I'm infiltrated by sudden invasions of warmth that travel the length of my body. and then i realize, that i feel a strange sort of kinship with the different people in the bible.

i mean, granted most of them were written in a somewhat more dramatic fashion, but can relate lah you know.

sometimes i toy with the fringes of my imagination and wonder if my dreams were big enough, that they would take flight and soar, the enormity of it too much for my shell to contain. it would unfold in a kaleidoscope of colors and unfurl itself in clouds of smoke.

i'm beginning to enjoy my quiet nights in :)

It's a drag having to churn out titles

2010-07-31T07:12:00.000-07:00

together we'll dance
to sepia tone hues

Ross: "Hey, do you guys know a Carl?"

Chandler: "Hm let's see..Alvin, Simon, Theodore...Nope, don't think so."

it's the familiarity of dialogues and sounds that gently rocks me into peaceful slumber. in an alternate reality where dreams elude me, i sometimes discover that possibilities orbit all around me.

mm lovingly ensconced in my duvet has definitely ignited my penchant for snugness and warmth.

Get up on your feet and praise Him

2010-07-26T05:41:00.000-07:00

i wonder what it's like,
to have you next to me

i never really quite know what to blog about anymore these days. words are no longer as candid as they used to be, and there always feels like there's a cloak of self-consciousness draped loosely around the frames of my writing. more often than not, words are backspaced and deleted from existence, then a brief cryptic coupla phrases are churned out simply to decorate the void.

i've hit a little more than a few bumps than i would have liked along this journey, but what a ride it's been :)

there's something potentially life-changing about learning to receive grace and embrace humility; & also pushing against the stream of hardhitting blows life tosses at you, if only to be rooted firmly in the joyful abundance of Him :)

i think im ready for the dry season to be over.

~~i think~~ i'm ready to be inspired.

beautiful beginnings

2010-07-24T06:09:00.000-07:00

can't you feel my heart beat fast,
i want this to last :]

The arm's of my Savior

2010-07-02T07:39:00.000-07:00

there's no other place,
that i'd rather be

Hey Dad,

Help. :'( It hurts...everywhere.

I can feel it in the little fragments of my bones; the way my whole my body shivers and trembles and how my head is leaden with weight. My eyes are so swollen I feel like I'm squinting perpetually. My toes have surpassed the point of no return and I can barely feel them, every now and then I look (well, squint) down just to check that they're still there and haven't fallen off.

Most of all, I feel pain, darting in every single direction and scorching every available surface of my heart.

But I also thank You for sisters, who graciously allow me to stumble into her room and into her arms just to sob relentlessly.

thank You for friends who stay up with me comforting, consoling, advising and humoring me until I feel like my air supply is not forcing itself out in restricted gasping intakes of breath.

Dad, it hurts. So much.

But thank You nonetheless.

whatever happens, I will strive to find the rainbow in the rain.

it feels like home to me

2010-06-27T08:32:00.000-07:00

there's something in your eyes,
makes my heart beat fast, hope this feeling lasts

my head is a catastrophic tornado of words, ideas, dreams & visions. sometimes, it feels so expanded to the brim that instead of erupting, it's sneakily dribbling out in undiscovered imaginary peepholes.

i just made my mind sound like a leaking waterhole.

life is slowly tipping heavily towards a graying scale; i want to experience it in technicolor.

God makes me smile sometimes :)

LGMH

2010-06-14T07:00:00.000-07:00

manage me, i'm a mess
turn a page, i'm a book half unread

Joy to the world

2010-06-05T05:52:00.000-07:00

Jeremiah was a bull frog,
was a good friend of mine.

Such a catchy song :) I like happy songs, they strike my fancy <3 plus they come in real handy when you've had it up to here (insert appropriate hand gesture) with studying.

So, life as of late has been reduced to a whirlwind of books, stale library smells and a non-existent social life. Not that I mind really, I find a certain solace in hunkering over my notes strewn haphazardly on the table, knowing that I'm surrounded by hundreds of other students doing the exact same thing. Conformity? Probably more of a last minute race to burn the midnight oil.

Another thing about libraries-table graffiti. I find it hilarious. Well some of them;

"Excuses are like assholes, everyone's got one!" (below that): "comment's like this are like assholes, and you ARE one!" (beside that): "this is why melb uni is unique, lots of assholes".

HAHAHAHA.

major endorphin rush. (you can tell life get's a tad sad when this is the extent of the highlight of your day.)

But there were some pretty cool stuff too; like seeing "Lyndon baines johnson-1964" and "Christine the great-1948" etched on the wooden tables. Not that I condone graffiti/vandalism, but it was pretty amazing knowing that this very same world of books and old Harry Potter-esque buildings existed in a time that preceded our generation.

There were even reality checks too! "You didn't come all the way here just to read hateful graffiti." Which was when I stopped studying my table intently and started my hunkering business.

Sometimes I've just got to keep reminding myself why I'm here, and what I've been called to do; learn to lay aside all the burdens and just do it. Come on girl, you're half way there.

'All I could see was the fog, I think if I could see the shore, I would've made it'-Florence May Chadwick, first women to swim the English channel.

Make your body sing!

2010-05-05T07:39:00.000-07:00

You are who you are,
no matter where i am

i have come to a conclusion: less of fb, somehow equals more of blogging. this might be a somewhat unsurprising and in itself a redundant realization in retrospect. and here i thought i had quite the complex mind. nah who was i kidding, that must be some colossal joke. heh heh.

i have the strangest urge to type in caps, must be frustration. SOMETIMES YOU NEED TO WRITE LIKE THIS BECAUSE SOMEHOW SEEING BIG HUGE-Y LETTERS APPEAR ON YOUR SCREEN MAKES YOU FEEL BETTER BECAUSE MAYBE, THAT WAY YOU DON'T FEEL HORRIBLY SMALL AND UPSET AND PLAIN FRUSTRATED.

who needs therapy? feel good session was a key away.

i've been having multiple goosfraba moments over a very short time span. i might actually self-implode one day.

Last night, or maybe it was the night before, i forgot which colored toothbrush i was using after having used it for like 10 years or something, and i had to consult my sister, who's answer was 'i dont know?'. of course she wouldn't! IM suppose to know these things. THIS IS ONE OF THE FRUSTRATING THINGS MY MEMORY IS DEPLETING!

for my next shopping trip, it shall be clothes, shoes, and a stack of crossword and sudoku books. i can practically feel the slow creep of Alzheimer's snaring itself around me, much like a cold grip. either that, or i must start ingesting more greens! (cringes). SUDOKU BOOKS FTW LAH.

You love me anyway

2010-05-02T10:32:00.000-07:00

But the future's so far, my heart is so frail
I think i'd rather stay inside

faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen. -hebrews 11:1

i'm slightly tickled at the fact that while my mind is a tidal wave of unease scrambling to sort out the jumbalaya's in my head, God quietly slips in and nudges me to pay attention to what's staring me (literally, it's on a picture frame on my desk) in the face.

faith.

some thing's are just much too personal to be filled in this space. but i know You understand how it feels, how it feels to go through the painstaking motions everyday. to be reminded of how it all feels when the floodgates of your past open only to taunt, it was never too far behind, and its slowly catching up to you.

faith. here it comes;

every tear i cry, you hold in your hand
you never left my side, though my heart is torn
i will praise you in this storm.

I'm a jealous lover & i won't back down

2010-04-30T23:25:00.000-07:00

In darkness, in trial, my soul shall sing
of his mercy, & kindness, our offering of praise
our God never fails.

I often chide myself for losing perspective sometimes. I'm so blinded by the myriad of trivial problems on my not-so-gleaming silver platter that i forget what's really important.

Sometimes i wish You would just fold and encase me in bubble-wrap; so that when life throws me blows i could just bounce back. boink boink all around in my blissful little semi-transculent world of endless circles and popping noises. i suppose most of all, i could continue pretending that all of this worldly things couldn't hurt me.

Daddy would you do that for me?

Sigh, yes it is tiring. but to eschew the elements of this world is also somewhat impossible. Hence we strike a compromise. i shall (learn to) surrender.

here i go again on another arm-flailing leg-thrashing body-convulsing journey into a realm of uncertainty and (probably) discomfort. but you know, my God never fails. i choose to believe that. besides, doesn't light shine brightest amidst a sea of murky depth and darkness?

i am tired, disappointed & upset. but all i can do is to strive to find the joy that is of abundance in You.

Daddy, would you do this with me?

we were meant to live for so much more

2010-04-22T07:39:00.000-07:00

my heart will choose to say,
Lord blessed be your Name.

take my tears and take my sorrow
take the lies and make it true
help me face a new tomorrow
take my heart and make it new.

i will learn to praise You in the storm
i will dance with You in rain
i will walk with You on water
i will trust You with my pain.

i want to capture the beauty of Your creation
i long to bask in Your embrace
i yearn to seek after Your presence
until i see You face to face

i know that im imperfect
broken beyond repair
yet somehow when i fall and bruise
You never failed to be there

i know You'll take my shattered pieces
and my little something awful
i know You'll show me that within this brokenness
lies something so much more beautiful

show them Your grace is sufficient
reveal to them all that is true
show those who need to see the beauty within them
until they see their image reflected in You.

Get a grip

2010-03-04T19:42:00.000-08:00

That quiet little corner,
where I would sit & write,
of fluttering fates and dreams ablaze
I'd cast my inhibitions out of sight.

To dive into my make believe
a fabric of brushstrokes & seams,
I'd climb into my little shell
& continue to dream.

Maybe, i was not as friendless as I thought I was :)

(Untitled)

2010-02-03T23:51:00.000-08:00

I like to make myself belive

that planet earth turns slowly

I’m 35 days late, but hello 2010.

I contemplated writing a brief review of 2009, a prelude as I bid the last decade of my existence adieu. (late) Then again, mentally sorting through the ghosts of my past has proved to be way too exhausting. So similarly to the many years that exceeded it, I’m tucking away 09 in a box, discarding the mistakes and keeping the lessons learnt. Fingers crossed history will be nice enough not to repeat itself this year, one can only hope yes?

To T, D & M, you should be credited for so diligently pursuing me in my efforts to blog (: without your imaginary mini self-replicas hovering over my shoulder reminding me to write, I probably would have left this too late, or never even. It’s such a blessing really, however small, when someone probes at you relentlessly not because they’re trying to be annoying, but because they genuinely care. Hello friends are you reading this? Saya cinta kamu :)

After an extended period of mulling over potential first-post-of-the-year topics, I’ve decided that this should be a post about nothing.

Nothing of the significant nature; nothing with flowery descriptions accompanied by captioned pictures (I’m saving this for a rainy day); nothing too thought provoking or, running to the end of the spectrum, anything that resembles a self-thrown pity party.

No.

This is about the nothing-that seven lettered word parcel wrapped in brown paper packages tied up with string (I love SOM!). Like a particularly loud hiccup or a laugh-till-you-snort moment you savor before letting it slip through your fingers, like pelted snow.

I’ve got a trunk full of nothing’s: the third bathroom stall at work, the decadent maggi goreng, the banana-yellow shoes of a stranger, lunch last Friday at TGI(whaddyaknow)Fridays, the mysterious abyss of the third floor with shiny wooden handles.

I remember that Sunday (I think? My memory is failing me!) when B and I made an impromptu decision to regale each other with our foosball skills while everyone else went for a massage. We drove all the way to hartamas only to discover the place was closed. What began as a night of failed plans turned into a night of solidarity in our camaraderieship. It was one of those happy fleeting moments of pouring your heart out over ice cream and hot chips. We sealed the night with solid eye contact before everyone else returned to join us. A perfect nothing night.

I could use more of these ‘nothing’ moments. Répondez s'il vous plaît if interested :)

Hello 2010, this could be your year.

ps: I'm writing this from the office, what a rebel! Don't tell my boss.

Battlefield

2009-12-05T05:21:00.000-08:00

why does love always feel like a
battlefield.

Writing/blogging again feels strange. Perhaps had I not given into the somewhat innate nature of mine to procrastinate & dillydally, the words might flow more smoothly; sifting through my mental vocabulary for the appropriate words to weave a story might not have been such a struggle either.

Perfectionist genes: cue mental sigh.

I realize my initiative to blog has somehow averted directions; interesting how time creates a space for you to mould and shift the constructs of your life. Keeps life interesting I suppose :)

I settled in to catch the last half hour or so of Titanic, my contented belly filled slightly too much over the brim. (buffet style, shame on you for expecting any less of me. (:) I kid. Anyway, minutes later I find myself clicking my way to blogger, (right now), thinking.

Thinking. Writing;

Years later having watched the exact same movie for the umpteenth time, James Cameron has once again managed to tug my heartstrings in four separate directions, leaving me both breathless and slightly agonized. Fiction it may be, but the story that is the love between Jack & Rose is simply breathtaking.

Typing this I can almost feel my heart leaden with heaviness with the knowledge that 1500 people died that night; out of the 6 boats, only one came back.

ONE.

Sometimes I really don't know why I put myself through all this -.- knowing that later I will be experiencing emotions one does not quite fancy feeling right before bedtime. Same with Jodi Picoult books; she lures me in with her victimized characters & heartbreaking plot, shattering little pieces of my heart everytime I read a chapter.

By the end of it I'm left with a pile of mush. I should just sweep myself up in the beginning and save myself the hassle. This is the kind of internal struggle I put myself through, brilliant.

I suppose the thing that always draws me to things like that is the idea of the frailty of humanity. Yet somehow beneath the flawed, lies an amazing strength and power to love, to survive.

I guess it's because underneath my facade of cynicism and skeptical-ness, it's these fabrications that ignites the hope deep within me; sometimes you just have to believe and have faith. :)

Open Your Eyes

2009-10-29T21:28:00.000-07:00

all these feel strange and untrue
that i won't waste a minute without you.

As surreal as it is, the final week, no day of sem 2 is here. Following next week's SWOT VAC and exams, I would have bid my first year as a uni student farewell. I don't know why this is coming off as sounding nostalgic, there's still 2 years to go.

Perhaps deep down, I know thing's just won't be the same.

Just as I'm writing this with fingers poised slightly above the keys, I'm actually experiencing a flurry of emotions; so much so that I'm rendered somewhat speech(maybe word is more appropriate)less. It's oddly unsettling.

Maybe, in a nutshell, I had unraveled along the way; shuffling my thoughts, beliefs & emotions along with me in a tidal wave of uncertainty and bitterness. How ironic is it that I spent an entire 12 weeks educating myself about the formation of identities in children when I myself have somehow lost touch of my own. Life is funny like that I guess :)

On an unrelated note, if you can't learn to laugh at yourself (which I believe is an aspiring quality to have), sometimes the people around you can do it for you :) Ah friends.

I suppose there is no concrete solution to the insurmountable questions we I have sometimes. I think way too much -.- However, a personal remedy of mine (& you can feel free to rip this off if you wish, no charges will be held): put on a Hillsong's track, wallow & cry for awhile, dry yourself up, read the Bible, pray (or write in a prayer journal), submit to Him and have some ice cream :)

Somehow, everything feels a little brighter and better after prayer. There is peace that transcends the knowledge of mankind. And the ice cream doesn't hurt either (:

A more positive note! :)

I miss everyone :( I really do.

A gentle reminder

2009-10-06T06:28:00.000-07:00

Dancing Queen

2009-10-05T04:28:00.000-07:00

The broken clock is a comfort,
it helps me sleep tonight

I can now safely write with the peaceful knowledge that my last macro assignment is finally complete; signed, sealed & delivered. It is with all honesty completely beyond me how, again, I have managed to finish this relatively on time considering this one was more last minute than the rest.

Mmm truly a testament to His unwavering faithfulness :) Thank you, thank You ever so much.

So! Lots&lots has transpired over mid-term break! It started off with a bang coming back from LTC retreat & it definitely ended with a grandslamkabam :) This was probably the most eventful (read:expensive) break as well, one ceaseless fun activity after the other. Definitely zero regrets, despite the somewhat shallow(er) pocket & niggling guilt-trip conscience.

I'm tempted to withdraw into routine & dish out another "too many things has happened for me to remember" excuse, but I think I'll take the road less traveled (this time at least) & briefly recap the blissful twoweek break! Personally I believe it pays to have the more significant memories written down, if ever I choose to revisit this point of time in my life, I know it'll all be right here collecting virtual dustbunnies.

Note: very long wordy update ahead, proceed at own risk. :)

First week of break could probably be summed up as slightly uneventful, up till Friday at least. Highlight of the week was probably ticking marketing assignment off our imaginary checklist & dinner with V on Tuesday :) Heart-to-heart's & crema ice-cream is a combination you can never go wrong with.

Friday was when the real term break began! H chose to grace me with her Adelaide presence with lunch & Brunetti's after. I hadn't realize how much I missed having an old high school friend around to chat about random nonsense intermixed with ACTUAL relevant updates. (Ditto when V popped by from Brisbane) Cheers babes, we make good teams :) Maybe next round I'll fly up to Adelaide or Goldcoast!

The weekend + Monday was time well spent up(or down?) in Torquay, our very own resident choice for cell retreats. Although this was an entirely different experience altogether! The whole 3 days were saturated with laughter, very yummy food, Charles the chauffeur, lazy 1,2,3, murderer(s), pokerface, Heart attack & speed, fast&slow captains ball, mangoman, special taboo dances with special effects squeak rhythms, dora the explorer and HEAPS of memories that will last me a lifetime :)

I probably just mentioned a whole chunk of information not many will understand; still, veryvery precious moments indeed!

Tuesday was picnic & quality time with A & D :) ah i love them, super adore hanging around them as a couple. I'm like the most comfortable third-wheel ever! Once the sun disappeared, I met D & M for our long-awaited jazz bar excursion (lol). Unfortunately like many of life's ironic moments, we ended up detouring from our original destination (not by choice though) and landed in LaLaland, literally.

Despite the empty atmosphere, I reckon the combination of not-so-bad music, good drinks & more importantly a skipthedrybits girl talk made it a perfect night :) So much so that we ended up walking the streets at 1.20am. Thanks girlies for walking me back :) Still as paranoid as ever, sigh. Chronic disease.

Thursday (this is exciting!) was SURFING. After much deliberation & plans changing and heaps of help from DD, we finally made it up to Torquay to surf! It wasn't so much the actual experience of surfing though that made it fun, because I barely spent much time on the board itself, let alone attempting to stand on it -.-, but rather the company that made the whole trip, tiring as it was, so worth while :)

NB: I want the girl to ask me to marry her! (or something along the lines of that)
Girls: *flow of indignant responses* Are you serious?
NB: Nolah, I paiseh if she has to get down on her knees and beg.

Well way too much was shared in the car trips up and down. This is definitely something I won't be forgetting for a long while :) I'm already looking forward to next year's trip in summer! Should be heaps better with warmer sun.

All in all twas a very good break indeed :) thank You God, because You never disappoint.

A brand new season

2009-09-23T08:26:00.000-07:00

My hiding place,
my safe refuge.

ksmimages.blogspot.com

:)

Change my heart

2009-09-20T07:52:00.000-07:00

Let your Spirit come in Power,
change my life

A random moment of ____. I wasn't sure of an articulate objective to finish the phrase; rather than focus on my lack of vocabulary knowledge, think of it as an open ended sentence where you're free to make the sentence whatever you want it to be :)

That hardly made sense, but I'm going to amuse myself & give myself the benefit of the doubt :) Because i quite like me. Yes.

Cliche's are overused for a reason; because most of the time they prove to be true. To say that LTC '09 was (brace yourselves, here it comes) a day/night to remember is an understatement. I have seen, heard, felt, touched, and grown the past 5 Saturday's/Sunday more than I ever have since coming to Melbourne.

What a way to begin mid-term break eh? :)

Don't get me wrong, I have experienced plenty since stepping foot here. But it's the intangible things that I have come to learn and embrace the past 5 weeks.

Awhile back I wrote about change; well change is here. :)

Keeping to true fashion, I will not disclose the events or experiences that happened throughout my journey in LTC & retreat. Something as precious as the memories I have had the absolute pleasure & privilege of having should definitely be explained over a cuppa ice chocolate & some cheesecake; preferably in a cosy setting where we could be expected to remain there for hours on end, talking till daylight breaks.

I am plenty excited for the journey ahead; for all of us as a new generation that has been destined to rise up & serve. Can you feel it?

Change.

The Bad Fish Paradigm

2009-09-07T01:21:00.000-07:00

tear down the walls, see the world
is there something we have missed

Because I heart all things sticky & note-y. :)

&& anything drenched in maple syrup + ice cream <3>

Hope is rising

2009-09-03T23:02:00.000-07:00

I don't need to
see it to believe it.

Do you hear it?
The gentle murmurs of the wind intertwined with aggressive raindrops. That's the perfectly orchestrated symphony of Mother Nature's ballad; sweet bliss melody to my ears (when I'm indoors & not caught in the middle of a torrential downpour that is).

Sitting below dim lights with a belly full of maggie & MSG soup, I must confess it's a little unnerving, this foreign feeling of content. Yet at the same time it's like an old friend, returned from a long journey here to embrace you. What an interesting mesh :) Not that I'm complaining; content is welcomed to stay for as long as he/she wants.

On the other hand, I may have spoken too soon. Takes very little to drive content packing & squealing away on fire proofed tyre's. I hope you come back soon please.

Rough as some things may be, I think He has been unwaveringly faithful & forgiving :) I've enjoyed mum's stay here despite it being short; have had sheer bliss playing around with Sundance (I've decided to name my EOS 1000D, I really think it's so much more than just an object).

I can still hear the power of last Sunday's message resonating in the spheres of my (sub)conscious. I'm looking forward to Jimmy Mutebi's message this Sunday, should be quite an explosion :) Fasting has been quite a challenge, but I believe the rewards reaped will be even greater.

For now, I'm tucking my thoughts in the attic of my mind; cleaning away the cobwebs as I go. Sifting through unnecessary filth & tidying the spaces in my head; making room for a clean & healthier slate. Then only will I place my 'Vacant' neon sign, lit nice & bright for the world to see, that I'm ready .

&& four nerds from Pasadena California have captured my mind & heart :)

would you like to sit awhile with me?

It's your love

2009-08-21T00:01:00.001-07:00

You are the First & the Last,
Beginning & the End.

~~Most of the time~~ Sometimes, I think we could all do with a little hiatus. Break away from the expectations wearing us down; find solitude in the places we never have time for anymore. If only to reignite the passion that once flamed so brightly within us.

It's so easy to lose perspective in this generation. To gain it back, is a steep incline that seems never ending. If I could, I'd run away here;

freeze time; exhale. return.

The clock slowly but surely will move forward, so will life. Ah well, worth a shot :)

So could I buddy.

Moderation

2009-08-18T23:04:00.000-07:00

they'd find out
there's so much more to me.

whatever happens, don't lose focus.

Can't, won't move

2009-08-18T07:19:00.000-07:00

same power that conquered the grave
lives in me.

I'm starting to find immense joy in filling the pages of my purple leather-bound journal from N. :) For the most part, everything has been answered, how incredible is that? If only I had done this sooner.

It's really something else to see someone so genuinely ecstatic; their face is illuminated with this instantaneous glow & their mouth is split wide open, teeth bared. (not as bad as you picture it to be i assure you). It is such a nice feeling because I think to myself, so that's what happiness looks like. :) or joy.

If everyone made it their mission in life to make another feel the same joy they've felt, I think it would be a small glimpse of heaven on earth. Wishful thinking. Well, difference begins with an individual. I think I might make it my aim/goal this semester to make the people around me feel the same happiness I've once felt. :)

In saying that, one of the small pleasures I delight in is washing up routines with my sister. :) nothing significant in any sense, but since when did happiness have to be reasoned? No, this, just like many of life's little unnoticed joys, makes me feel happy. :)

It all started with the Big Bang

2009-08-16T07:50:00.001-07:00

Dance dance dance
in the freedom we know.

I must confess that it has been quite a liberating ~~day~~ week. I've had some of the best heart-to-heart's in a long time; playfully chastened by the boundaries that once held us captive have finally been released. The sensation is close to unexplainable; either way, cheers to P, T, M, D & D! :) trust me, I believe the conversations are being steered in an even better direction!

Revelation! Can't believe it has taken me this long to figure it out. Prayer isn't confined to the words that sluggishly pour out of our mouths the 30 seconds before we drift into peaceful slumber, or the hastened spiel of sentences strung together right before an exam. It's different for every individual, crafted uniquely to fit your lifestyle. It took me awhile, but I reckon I've finally figured out what it is :) Fingers crossed i'll be able to keep it up!

To be honest, it's been a long while since I've felt that feeling of peace once words were penned onto page. I've got a good feeling about this one folks :)

Another (smaller, albeit just as important) revelation, is i think i'm finally able to let go of the image the world is pressing me to be. Because someday I hope you'll realize it too, that you are never going to be able to achieve that. So instead, I'm going to be who I was created to be; beautifully flawed, perfect down to the last love handle and slightly mishapened toe :) I've got convictions, and I stand by them regardless of the social consequences.

Because I've realized that I could be plenty happier if I stopped trying to please everyone and focus on the things I'd much rather devote my time, love & effort to. Hey, that's my prerogative :)

So much exciting things to look forward to come the mid-sem break! Eager anticipation is getting the better of me; hopefully things go as planned & we'll rock those 14 days :)

Okay & EPL has officially robbed me of my msn companions. Sigh, waiting for D to download BBT for me so I can have my own version of an EPL marathon. Endless gratification I can tell you now.

On a side note:

Dear N, hope your stay in Canada will be plenty eventful & exciting! :) just remember not to drink something if you've don't know where its been okay. Always a handy tip. I miss you already, can't wait till we next crash your pad and have you bring us around the great white north :) xx

because we're cool like that.

&& also, I've got family nostalgia. ):

There's gotta be more to life

2009-08-11T06:38:00.000-07:00

If you could only see,
& hear the words I say.

I am winter personified.

I am black and white, and every shade of grey in between.

I am sleep magnified a hundred times over, blissful oblivion and orbiting dreams.

I am the ball of bright, burning energy floating outside the stratosphere, lingering in vacuum, mindlessly ignorant.

I am fear, shielded by an invisible cloak, hidden beneath a rock, buried deep within the earth’s core.

I am the Judge Judy of my mind, harsh and unforgiving.

I am best served cold, with a tinge of malice satisfaction on the side.

I am the cheesy television sitcom on a rainy Sunday afternoon, with a hundred infomercials in between.

I am the beanbag indoors on a perfect balmy autumn’s day when the whole world is out relishing in Nature’s odd perfection.

I am a greasy pizza with extra toppings served piping hot to a Biggest Loser contestant.

I am a torch scarlet inflamed, meant to shine on the highest hill of the tallest mountain.

It's somewhat gratifying knowing that (possibly) the world now knows you inside out. So much for keeping secrets :)

because if we could, we'd go back to the way things used to be.

Yahweh

2009-08-08T22:26:00.000-07:00

He shall reign,
forever.

If I had a little sister or brother, here's what I would tell them:

"Kid, one day, you are going to rock this planet. While you're experiencing growth spurts & hormonal imbalances & other physical attributes that meet the eye, your mind is going to take you on a journey far beyond the expectations of the world, surpassing what others can see. Your heart is going to be filled with dreams so big, you'll feel inadequate to contain all of it."

"But here's a secret: He is the key to making all of your wildest dreams come true. Keep the treasure map He has designed for you close to your heart; follow in the footsteps of the path leading to your destiny, & always keep your eye out on the horizon, where the sea meets the sky, & where paradise awaits."

"Because kid, once you've shaken this world, you would want to return home."

I've always wondered if I was living life to my utmost potential, although deep down I already know the answer.

I'd hop on the cheapest flight that would take me straight to the volunteers of the Gratitude Cafe Tour & spread some love around. I'd grab some close friends and we would backpack around central America where I would approach random strangers and have them take a picture with me, because why not?

I would go for a missions trip somewhere in Africa or China. Learn to surf and kick ass in it in Bali. Spend some time working overseas, purely for the experience of striving to live on my own (two feet). Spend half a semester on exchange somewhere outside of Australia. Take a photography course & travel to South America to snap away at their breathtaking architecture.

In an ideal world, I would accomplish all that. But for now, I'd let these dreams fester within the confines of my mind, until the doors are opened for me, & until I convince myself that I can actually do all of it. A superb heart-to-heart talk with D on friday made me realize that we really only can take in as much as we give. So for now, I am letting go of expectations of people, and learning instead not to expect anything in return.

To bless, just for the sake of blessing, & nothing more

.Because I'll always have your back.

Find me, keep me.

2009-08-04T07:25:00.000-07:00

she is a wave and she's breaking
she's a problem to solve.

Habit's are a funny thing. Most of the time, past 12am, is where I find my solace in blogging. Not to say that inspiration strikes past midnight, but there's just a very quiet sense of peace that makes me want to pair emotions with words.

Sitting here in the stillness with silence so loud, I can finally slowly piece the puzzle together to form the mosaic in my mind. Sure I filter thoughts, we all do/must, but for the most part, I try to immortalize the random jumble in my head because those that are important enough to me to be remembered and written down, well, I want to be constantly reminded of what it is.

I distinctly recall a post I wrote two years back, possibly. My 17-year old self sprouting words of wisdom about how people always change, & how it is impossible to please everyone.

Two years later, I'm still learning the very same lesson I failed to teach myself back then. I guess it's hard for me to let go; to let change in. But honestly, I am tired of being a crowd pleaser. People change, it's inevitable. I, have changed.

So here's to farewell to being a people pleaser; I want to focus on my audience of One. Truth to be told, some friendships are going to be lost on the way, I can already feel it happening: change.

But the ones that stick around past the debris and the war; well, I'd say I'd count myself the luckiest person to have just the one. I know I'm the furthest thing from popular, I'm not social, I'm an introvert and for the most part, I go unnoticed. But for just a moment, seeing things through His eyes, all I see is my family, the few close friends I have both here and back home, and Him: the ones who truly matter.

I am so very blessed. :)

I'll stand by you

2009-07-17T00:22:00.000-07:00

throw it away, forget yesterday
we'll make the great escape

I sincerely believe that there is a time & season for everything; God and His divine inexplicable timing often don't coincide with the arrangements we plan ourselves, but when they do, it takes your breath away.

This mini trip was one of those times. Although I wasn't physically or mentally struggling with anything, somehow I felt like I needed to get away from the high-rise buildings, congestion & lack of greenery of the city & escape somewhere quiet. In the outskirts of the suburbs area where your thoughts are free to escape the confines of your mind & roam the lush green forest, or when you feel your every knot & tension just slip away when you stand, very quietly, in the middle of the dark & star gaze at the vast velvet sky.

So I thank you God, for blessing me with amazing friends, for keeping me & my family safe; & most of all because even when we struggle to comprehend it, your timing is always perfect.

A quick synopsis of our great escape:

A drove us down to her place in Ringwood, gorgeous secluded area, plenty of trees, hidden away from the bustling streets. You would never run out of oxygen there! Took a long drive out to scout for V's place, overshot our mark, retraced & surprised her at her place. Had a mini photoshoot outback in the garden & played Wii fit! I hope i lost some weight, heh. :) good fun though!

Joined her lovely family for yummy pizzas. Did you know you could have desserts on a pizza? :) If you didn't make sure you try! Spent the night curled up on the couch watching the season finale of Greys, Dan in real life & Beauty & the Beast! Oh was so swept away by the lyrics in the songs (now that I'm actually old enough to understand the words).

Next morning woke up, had breakfast then took a short drive up to a scenic place, something beginning with a W but i can't place the name. Short term memory -.- Anyway had a nice long walk and then A drove me back up to the city.

A short but nonetheless much needed get away, I feel very much refreshed now :)

(: <3

The same deep water as you

2009-07-14T08:03:00.001-07:00

lost & insecure,
you found me.

Walking amidst a sea of faceless pedestrians, there is a dull thudding at the back of my head. I could paint the features of the strangers around me in my dreams, yet I recognized not one soul. There is a velvet cloak shielding the sun; ominous bank of dark clouds greeted the eye.

There is a boy yielding a gun. Misfit or misunderstood?
There is a kleptomaniac who owns five estates. Living or lacking?
There is an anorexic, there is an obese. There is a beggar, there is an entrepreneur. There is death, there is life.

Could you change something if you had the chance? I'd like to entertain the thought that is, more importantly, would you?

~~Some~~ people don't change, but i think it's not that they can't, but rather they wont. You could know a person your entire life, & not know them at all. Love is not love if there are conditions.

Yes, I could paint the features of the people around me in my dreams, but not recognize a single soul.

the wind that blew my heart away

2009-07-12T00:25:00.000-07:00

you're so sweet, & you're so smart
you're such a good friend i have to break your heart

they say you should never sell yourself short.

"I'm not that kind of guy. And I don't want to be. So maybe the elite girls just aren't for me. But some day I'm gonna meet a girl, who will really love me. Maybe she won't be what you call hot, but to me she'll be beautiful, & I'll tell her so. I don't want to be mean to her, or have to play games with her. I'll just be the guy she can always count on, & that'll be enough. She'll be elite..to me." -M.M.

Because maybe I just needed another fabrication to tell me that despite what everyone thinks, I believe the world still holds some truth, & just maybe not everything is as bleak as it seems.

"The truth is, there is nothing to be afraid of. It's just life." E.S.

Its.
Just.
Life.
:)

oh weary soul

2009-07-10T07:33:00.000-07:00

the heaven's shall declare
the glory of, our Great God

I've probably conjured up one too many posts in my head, about MJ's death, about results, about winter, about mum's trip here, about falling sick. I've had so much I wanted to say, in this tiny space, with the words I would weave to form a story.

But honestly I'm tired. Not just physically and that the flu meds are probably kicking in, but tired of, just settling. Sometimes I wish things were different; I wish I had stepped out of my self-moulded contented shell and grabbed a slice of the world when I could. I still can, then I would wish I had the guts & integrity to do so.

I spend half of my life, literally, wishing for thing's I dont have.

Here, at 12.38am, I'm writing about what matters to me. We only get one shot at this, at life. No do-overs, no summer school; just the years you have to live, & the memories you have to create. George Bernard Shaw once wrote that the two greatest tragedies in life is this: one is to lose your heart's desire, & the other is to gain it.

I want to experience those two greatest tragedies, because it's the only way you'll know you've really lived. Whitey Durham's to do list consisted of this:

Coach basketball for 20 years
Win 500 games
Make a difference.

That's what I want out of life, to know that I've made a difference, however small & insignificant. Things like good grades, important social stature, friends & having a social life, I know, at the end of the day will prevail. But I thank God for placing that still small voice in my heart that every now& then, will yearn for something beyond the physical needs of man, beyond what is physically pleasing to the eye.

The greatest pleasure you will ever know, is knowing that your existence has made a difference in someone else's life.

When spring comes and everything is reborned, so will I. I will strive to be a better friend, a better daughter, a better sister, a better child of God. I will live for the things that matter most; I will reach for the things that will help me make a difference.

No more settling, change is coming.

crunching gravel

2009-06-22T07:52:00.000-07:00

she wears short skirts, i wear T-shirts
she's cheer captain & im on the bleachers

cryptic:
He stole her heart in shades of blue; cradled it in the center, caressed it with his gentle smile. He weaved his tender web of desire around her, encapsulating the rhythm of a pulsating beat beneath weakened flesh. He escapes & leaves her to rest, before returning again, motions reversed, history repeats.

She stays with locked fists in his web, yearning. His fleeing shadow froze time, she waits patiently. Then his fist clenched, crippling the soul on his dejected palm. She blinks, and then everything faded to black.

***

despite the cold that invaded my feet and traveled all the way to my now half-frozen toes, there could not have been a warmer feeling than coffee ministry tonight :) somehow i feel describing the details in words does the actual feeling poor justice so i shall just leave it at this, & thank you God :)

i know you don't read this, but thank you for raising me to be the person i am today. thank you for being there 19 years of my life, tall&proud, and that i have the privilege of calling you my father. you (&mum) are the reason why i am pushing through uni, striving to do my best, because you give me inspiration to develop my inner potential to become a better person. You deserve the best, & i promise to work hard so that i too can make you proud.

Happy Father's day daddy.

SO EXAMS ARE oh vee ee are :) mummy is here! so it's goodbye stress & hello discounted stores. I'm excited for winter, & i refuse to let the bone-chilling cold ruin it! AND THE RIDICULOUS SWINE FLU, please. its not even worth it.

on a random note, i am suddenly feeling extremely thankful for supportive friends, those who you know you can count on regardless of the circumstances; those who forgive you & love you despite your flaws, who send you encouraging text's during hair-pulling moments, and those who pick you up when you fall.

thank you friends :) you know who you are. (PLEASE YOU MUST OKAY).

okay, its 1.12am & there is shopping that needs to be done tomorrow so rest calls :) <3

i see your true colours

2009-06-11T02:04:00.000-07:00

five, six
pick up sticks

er, hi.

so progress thus far;

microeconomics-major epic flabbergasted mojojojo fail.
quantitative methods-GG.
accounting-er, bad.

social life-nil.

current condition in Melbourne: swine flu capital

i think im doing all right. i dont like it when im this sarcastic though. everyday that dream of exchange just slips that much further out of reach.

rainbow amindst the storm

2009-06-07T06:47:00.000-07:00

if she wanna rock she rocks
if she wanna roll she rolls

Dear G,

It's overused phrases like 'I love you' that diminishes the impact of three powerful words, eight significant letters. Those words breathe into every corner, tucked up into the tiny fragments of your life. I know it doesn't seem sincere, but for what it's worth, I love you. :)

The words that aren't said enough, I believe, are "I'm sorry" & "I forgive you". Instead, they simmer low and undetected beneath the surface; hibernating in the weak flesh, an untold secret from our perverse and deprived generation. I know you already know this, but I'm sorry. I can't say I forgive you because there's nothing to forgive.

I wanted to type up more poetic stuff but somehow my brain is lodged, instead floating to the surface is microeconomics theories & QM formulas which I will spare you the agony of having to read them (if i did write them out here that is). But I know you understand, you always do :)

So I hope to talk to you soon, in fact i think i will. :) till then, i'll catch you next time G. x

<3 always,
sumei

passerby's

2009-06-01T05:23:00.000-07:00

fall overboard

sumei says:
ohoh wait i wanna ask you something
ali smile, laugh, love... says:
lol
sumei says:
do
sumei says:
you
ali smile, laugh, love... says:
mmhmm
sumei says:
want
ali smile, laugh, love... says:
yes, i would loved to marry u
ali smile, laugh, love... says:
:)

because this just made me smile all night (:

My name was Kelsey Briggs

2009-05-30T05:53:00.000-07:00

in the arms of an angel
may you find some comfort here

//Edit

To whom it may concern:

Life is more than a concealed designer package filled with brands, expensive booze & redundant gossip.

Prayer on Friday was powerful; so im concluding a chapter of my life closed as sem 1 draws to an end.

also, im pretty convinced that life is very much unlike a box of chocolates.

I'm no superman

2009-05-27T05:17:00.000-07:00

Alpha and Omega, Beginning and the End
I will bow

My Jesus is able, to calm the seas when they rage
My God is the answer
In my weakness, He reigns.

& there you have it, the only answer you'll ever need; the only answer that truly matters.

because every now & then, somehow as my sight deteriorates, everything falls into perspective.

*you know you've got exam fever when you spend 5&ahalf hours in the library -.-

so what?

2009-05-18T06:14:00.001-07:00

there is nothing, You cant do
oh Lord, my eyes are on You,
be magnified.

Tjon Jeim said:
you're a go getter aren't you

Tjon Jeim said:
you want more in life and all that

Tjon Jeim said:
life can't be simple for a complex multi cellular organism such as yourself

Tjon Jeim said:
;p

i always thought it was pretty black & white; but now im not so sure anymore. change is a funny thing (:

all i can say is, when you feel strongly about something, go for it; you've got nothing to lose, and everything to gain.

I AM A ROCKSTAR :)

rock and roll

2009-05-17T05:55:00.000-07:00

with all the strength of a raging fire
mysterious as the dark side of the moon

i have new found appreciation for Disney lyrics, honestly. my weekend consisted of ~~not~~ much needed sleep intermixed with sorely missed classic Disney tales, i.e. Aladdin, Mulan & Hercules. Oh unadulterated bliss & joy :) thanks daph!

despite not having touch (literally) any lecture materials or uni work, i wouldn't say this week was a complete bust. I've really enjoyed my dose of much needed ketchups with various people :) as much as i would love to do this every week, i cant.

I'm starting to feel the weight of exams; the little me in my head prompting me to start getting my act together. ive been thinking alot about uni recently, and where im headed. Goals, opportunities, decisions. I know its only first sem of my first year, but i feel like i need to start mapping out my future to know that im not completely off course and directionless.

im really entertaining the idea of going for exchange next year. How mind blowingly brilliant would it be if i could exchange to canada for instance? (: NIQUE! i could go to Queens for an entire year! or at the very least a semester. (sadly melbourne uni doesnt do exchange with england ):)

oh the doors and opportunities that could be avalaible to me is astounding :) i know it's incredibly difficult and the application process is tedious; above all its necessary to maintain a H2B and get a certain amount of credit points. but oh i am so willing to put myself out there & give it my all in exchange for this experience :) game on!

on a lighter note, im loving eric hutchinson (: adore his music. I'm anticipating the well deserved winter break to be awesome! mummy's arrival, roadtrip with vicky & alice and our quest to find me a 'BEN', nique & jacq's arrival and soso much more. can't wait :)

one last savour of the lion king, a good night's sleep, and then im hitting the library. xx

magnanimous

2009-05-14T22:06:00.000-07:00

waltz to the rhythm
sway to the beat

Decisions as tough as they may be, or as clear as they may be, should always be, i believe, for yourself. For anyone else, it would end up in dissatisfaction. So do well for yourself. Cause at the end of the day, you're the only one that truly gives a shit. Followers never end first.
Lim Dominique Jo.

my uni life in black & white. :) genius. x thanks nique.
2morefreakinmonths!

Footprints in the sand

2009-05-12T04:40:00.000-07:00

we will run,
altogether our heart's aflame

flash, the earth crumbles beneath our sinking bodies
dust and moths remain, void of hope
vanity disappears with the flesh,
the light ascends in the horizon, blinding;
saving grace touches our perverse generation
igniting a scorching scarlet flame
that, my friend, is hope.

we have exams in uni? holy pooh on toast.

ask, and you shall receive (: amen.

solitaire of may

2009-05-09T02:15:00.000-07:00

im sitting on a tight rope, peering down
when the world is asleep, i lie awake

i need to get out of the house and make human contact with someone other my sister. I need, sun.

When you're striving this hard to achieve something that is completely out of your control, it can really consume you :/

why is it that all i want to see is that ridiculous H1?

after all it's just a meaningless grade.

this is what uni does to you. i should have dropped out and just gone to hair school.

faith restored

2009-05-04T22:56:00.000-07:00

create in me a new heart
renew a right spirit within me

elliot harmand mooney. thank you. :')

there's nothing more important, than family.

uni is so draining. one half months to go.

come sway with me

2009-05-02T00:25:00.000-07:00

such a funny thing;
something so beautiful

sometime between 12-1am on a friday night, i got my much needed dose of relief+happiness from a msn conversation (: it's been literally ages since ive spoken with M; i never knew how much i needed to hear those familiar words of comfort, the dorky side of him that always makes me laugh. thank you :)

for some reason, i broke my ban of a facebook hiatus (only briefly) because i was suddenly overwhelmed with this overpowering sense of nostalgia-high school nostalgia. Oh how browsing through those pictures made me ache for a time when things were less complicated (okay sometimes), and when fun was always included in the dictionary (:

there really is no place like high school.

at the back of my mind i know reality is lurking around the corner; knowing that quite a few of these precious people will be that much harder to reach & hug & kiss (curse you england&canada), well, that's a pretty tight slap.

college was great, uni is all right. but i wouldn't trade the world for the people and memories i had in high school.

To the bestfriend:
you are and will always be a huge part of my life. ily heaps (: xx

high school, who says we have to let it go?
it's the best part we'll ever know,
step into the future,
but hold on to high school.

chili cheesecake by the cheese shop

2009-04-27T01:06:00.000-07:00

curbside prophet

things that make me happy
cupcakes
hunger satisfied, food basically, but no greens ew
a hot dog!
a really really good praise and worship session
retail therapy
snuggled under my warm quilt, in my room, wearing comfy pj's while it's pouring outside
listening to rain (that's from mother nature, not the korean popstar)
listening to my sister cook
hearing my parent's voice
being silly with friends, laughing uncontrollably
writing
emails, letters, notes, cards, post-its
talking to You
time with myself.

sometimes i just need a little reminder of why i shouldn't be complaining when everyday, there are so many little things that make me happy (:

its so cold i think my fingers are turning blue as i type this O_o

saving grace

2009-04-23T07:22:00.000-07:00

take my frown
to a far distant town

"We're all a mess. Haven't you noticed that by now?"

i find comfort in sitcoms.

hit me with your best shot

2009-04-16T08:38:00.000-07:00

i will rise, when He calls my name
no more sorrow, no more pain

there are three days left of easter break, as usual procrastination has gotten the better of me and i am left with a ton of uncompleted work and revision. oh dear dear.

Connexions camp was awesome. :) new faces, beautiful environment, and most importantly spiritual refreshment. definitely one of the best three days spent!

it was amazing to see how missionaries work through student bodies on campus, and how lives can be touched everyday. i am definitely inspired :) people there are so warm and friendly, it feels like they're family i havent met, but well now i do heh.

from the late night pictionary games, to the heart to heart talks, to the "speed-dating" and i've nevers, to seeing craig make us laugh-ive enjoyed every minute. :)

and now its back to reality.

(empty)

2009-04-08T05:30:00.000-07:00

you're all i want
you're all i need, you're everything

sweep me off my feet, bask in your glory
tainted with half-truths
pitter patter goes the rain
droplets in a race to the finish
BOOM, crack goes the thunder
bathing the darkened room with a bright white light, flash
and gone
snuggled under a duvet, toasty warm i smile
this is the feeling i want to remember

pitter patter goes the rain.

this is the feeling i want to remember.

12 more days :) xx

signed, sealed, delivered

2009-04-06T04:12:00.000-07:00

im yours.

im an extremely lazy person. i eat excessively and i hate greens and i dont exercise at all.

so here's a good way to get in a little bit of a workout to extend longevity of life.

1)make sure you oversleep and miss your first lecture of the week.

2) its best if youre in a lethargic and semi conscious state when checking the location for your quickbooks training class online.

3) it helps immensely if youve got the memory of not an elephant, i.e. a really bad one.

4) do not double check the location of your class.

5) walk all the way to a building thats about 15 minutes away in the cold/rain to discover that oh, the class is held all the way back at uni, another 10 minutes away.

that was quite a walk. what an interesting start to the week. the best part is i didn't even make it to the class.

i could really use a break.

fall in

2009-04-02T05:19:00.000-07:00

a faith proved of more worth
than gold

i think we i take life too seriously sometimes. :) something i intend to change.

im just taking a break from doing my micro assignment.

okay if you really believed that then you dont really know me all that well. how did you find my blog random stranger?

micro assignment. i should probably start. okay after i finish this post. :) productivity is key. amen.

19th birthday

i love suprises :) i really do. and what a joy it was to see my, i shall call them family because i think thats what they really are, outside of andrew's garage after worship practice. :) reliving it in my mind makes me feel all warm again. wont elaborate too much on it but was definitely a moment to remember.

saturday was dinner with the girls. beautiful meal at time out, awesome shots at three below, delicious cakes from brunetti's, legendary company and laughters all night, you can't beat that :) this will definitely be something ill be telling my kids about when i tell my story of "how i met your father". hopefully. if i can find a "father". okay never mind.

the constants (: xx

homecell 09

awesome :) ill let the pictures do the talking. had so much fun experimenting with josh's SLR. now im thinking of investing in one myself. will cost me alot of moolah though, which means i will need to cut back on meals, which means i can lose weight. all right everybody wins, i should get it. :D

tracy was my model for the night. that would explain all the pictures of her. i say shes definitely got some future in the modeling industry fo sho. i mean just look at her! pure genius, raw talent. no i did not say that with sarcasm please.

good fun! :) very much looking forward to cell breakfast at mart 130! wooo.

<3>

dead weight

2009-03-31T07:08:00.000-07:00

one step at a
time

uni is not for the faint hearted.

perhaps once this initial hurdle is over, things will get better :) fingers crossed.

honestly, its so easy to slip into my shell of self pity and allow all negative emotions to awash over me. old habits die hard. but im reminded of what Morrie said, once you have experienced a certain emotion, embrace it entirely, and then learn to step away from it.

have a good cry, then step back. :) learn to dissociate yourself.

also, the Footprints frame on my table is a constant companion; im not alone.

exhausted drained socially recluse and confused, very much so.

giving up? not yet :) im hanging by a thread but im not letting go.

ps: im sorry if i havent seen or spoken to most if not all of you in awhile, transitioning is really taking its toll on me. i hope you guys understand. xx

release, breathe

2009-03-27T07:01:00.000-07:00

im carried to the table
the table of the Lord

you know that warm feeling you get in the pit of your stomach, the one that makes you feel like your entire aura is emitting a funny kind of glow? where your entire being just feels so relaxed you want to take a moment just to savor it that little bit longer?

that's happiness (:

i had an absolute blast at homecell. :) great food, awesome games & most importantly legendary company. i enjoyed every moment of it, from scraping the cheese & bacon off the mushroom and giving it to jon, from experimenting shots with josh's SLR, from squirming and laughing and critiquing chick flicks, right down to the whole "traffic essay" moment.

LEGENDARY. :)

yes, uni and it's insermountable pile of work still exists. yes, i have not completed any of them. yes, i am about a month behind on my lecture readings.

but right now, it doesn't matter. because i am happy to the core. :) there's no rain on my parade! i love my cell :))

will update on the 19th birthday and everything else sooon! <3 hopefully after ive completed all the workwork!

KISS.

2009-03-24T06:26:00.000-07:00

nothing's gonna stop me
but divine intervention

i just typed out a lengthy post for it to just disappear.

its now 12.27am, and im really tired and frustrated.

in short- i love: God, family, friends, OCF, cell. :) my 1500 word post just shrunk to five words.

such is life :) i'll just post up some pictures and update later. ~~or never.~~ heh.

broken strings

2009-03-14T05:31:00.000-07:00

you can't play on broken strings
you can't feel anything

I love, J's :) James Morrison, Jason Mraz and Lenka. She qualifies because shes exceptionallyawesome.

so second week of uni was better than first. it's interesting what a shove out of your comfort zone can lead to. granted, i am quite possibly more confused than when i first started out, but i'm not alone in this, which makes this journey alot less intimidating :)

today i went waxing with my sheester and tracylei :) FUN! hardly any pain. and now it's all smoooooth and silkeh. maybe not silky, but SMOOTH. and most importantly, hairless. i now bear less resemblance to an orang utan so hallelujah.

oh, and i love my cell (: very much.

there's too many things going on, my brain can't absorp everything at once. i'm still trying to figure out what balance sheets are. -.- i simply can't be bothered with anything that is not of priority anymore. very cynical i know, but if i try to cope with everything at once, i will combust. my brain is pea-sized.

so here are the priorities: God. Studies.

that's it. :) the rest can take care of itself. these burdens are no longer mine to carry so adios ambre!

im starting to get homesick all over again. stupid nostalgia.

it comes & goes

2009-03-03T23:59:00.001-08:00

girl put your records on
tell me your favorite song

uni, or more precisely commerce, is a minefield. i have no idea what im doing.

to quote a friend, i have never been more confused in my life.

what in hitler's name are balance sheets?

im confused.

Surrender

2009-03-03T05:43:00.000-08:00

i called, you answered
and you came to my rescue

you never disappoint.
you never stop loving.
you never stop listening
you never stop blessing.

but i need to stop, reflect. and reevaluate everything. because what used to be important now no longer matters. not even a little.

thank you God. (: for absolutely everything.

two halves of a whole.

pull shapes

2009-02-27T21:49:00.000-08:00

life is maze
& love is a riddle

blank page, stuck for words. maybe i shouldn't have selected creative writing as my breadth subject after all. but then again these are the mistakes we i must make.

live and let eat i always say.

whats wrong with me. uni is starting on monday, maybe thats why.

i love getting emails. (: to you, thanks for understanding. and for the record, i have no problem understanding you at all. though the Caucasians at your university might, i certainly do not. maybe we are both retarded. kidding. i love you.

i don't think i was the same person who left malaysia over a year ago. it's like shedding old skin in return for a newer albeit may not be better one. to 2009, i say bring it on.

EMBRACE, that's my philosophy from now on (:

man i really am full of crap.

walk on by

2009-02-22T04:28:00.000-08:00

this fire you ignited
good bad and undecided

Q: what do you call a French man in flip flops?

A: Phillepe Phillop

i actually think this is quite genius.

okaybye.

the show

2009-02-21T05:23:00.000-08:00

im just a little girl
caught in the middle

pictures are my way of speaking (: snippets of fond memories.

this is me, blessed with the best of both worlds. cheers (:

toothpaste kisses

2009-02-20T04:38:00.000-08:00

and with every step together
we just keep on getting better

i think, i may be addicted to vacuuming.
i had a vague dream about it the other night.

i don't really have much to say. i just felt like writing. this post ~~will be~~ is extremely redundant.

also, i cleaned the top of the fridge. just saying.

sometimes i think things would look a little bit better if we all looked at the world like this. top down.

***

also, Victoria bushfire victims are in desperate need of prayer. so please.

thank you.

au naturale

2009-02-15T23:04:00.000-08:00

im looking at you
and my heart loves the view

so the temperature(it took me four tries to get the spelling right, i right clicked it in the end. oh am gee) was suppose to be 20degrees today, but it felt like 30.

ive been extremely proactive since coming back, which is very unlike me. my room is organized and dust free, i think even jue would approve. my pictures on the wall are nicely arranged and my room, for once, is neat. and clean. except for the bed but that doesnt count.

ive drank approximately 50 cups of water.

ive even gone the extra mile and started cleaning the kitchen tables and vacuumed the apartment. all in one day.

one day.

if you ask me, not that you did, i'd say it was a manisfastation of homesickness presenting itself in an odd way. my hands and feet are always itching to do something, move around. well, it was.

i guess when you've left behind something as great as my summer, you'd be homesick too. but it's okay, the memories untainted will sustain me, for now.

im very much looking forward to seeing my girls again though (: wt's laugh alone should be enough to drag me out of my slump.

in the meantime, im going to find something else to clean.

i never liked goodbyes.

CRACK, it breaks

2009-02-03T04:05:00.000-08:00

should i give up
or should i just keep chasing pavements

ten days left.

honestly, i have not had enough. is it selfish of me to want more? maybe. then again, when are we ever satisfied with what we've already been given? hardly ever.

ten days left. that's all ive got. im going to make it count.

memories

2009-01-15T06:59:00.000-08:00

marry me juliet
you'll never have to be alone

whenever i think of you,
i remember your gentle smile;
i remember your laugh, and all that you shared,
every moment you made time worthwhile.

people age, and seasons change,
you have run the good race;
even up until the very end,
you left with a smile on your face.

although things will never be the same,
life on earth must still go on;
you will forever be in our hearts,
even after you have been gone.

through all the laughter and the tears,
through the sunshine and the rain;
i look forward to our reunion in heaven,
where we can embrace once again.

we love you, forever and always.

here's to an inspiring uncle, a dependable brother, a faithful husband, a responsible father, a trustworthy friend, a devoted son and an incredible human being. <3

although the bitter aftertaste of what is left still lingers, although the regrets of not being able to say goodbye haunts us, i for one salute you, for your courage, your integrity, your ability to smile and laugh even during the toughest storms. trust that you will never be forgotten, and though your physical body has returned to the ground, your spirit, and the memories you have left us with will continue to carry and lift us on forward, into a brighter and better future.

until we meet again, goodbye uncle eric. i love you very much.

do you see what i see

2008-12-19T03:07:00.000-08:00

i try to do
handstands with you.

theres only one thing
to do
three words
for you,
i love you.

gotta love that song. :))

absence does make the heart grow fonder. for certain people anyway (: xx

texas hold em, five cards and blackjack: betting with uno stacks (: fun!

HAHAHA.

wanted to post more pictures up, but blogspot is toosloww. will do it another time (: its always good when family's around <3 size="1">

ongwenting, if youre reading this, imissyoula :(

time goes by, so slowly

2008-12-17T02:31:00.000-08:00

dont judge,
just listen.

i ~~think~~ i am in love. (:

always look on the bright side of life

2008-12-08T21:52:00.000-08:00

forgive others,
but dont forget to forgive yourself.

my laptop crashed quite some time ago, ive been freeloading on my sister's one all this while to do my daily blog hopping, fb-ing and other random musings i do. yet another reason to add to the infinite imaginary list of reasons why i love her. :)

im a little sad because all the beautiful memories ive had in that laptop especially pictures from the past might very possibly be lost. pictures have become such an important part of my life here in melbourne because it bridged me to my family and friends back home. a picture is capable of evoking a million different emotions and memories; i pray that i have not lost them.

on the other hand, i am, in a strange way thankful that my laptop crashed when it did. because i no longer had to worry about assignments or important documents being lost, excluding the pictures.

the additonal time i had on my hands also gave me reason to rediscover my passion for reading and writing. ive forgotten how much i enjoyed reading; how much i relished curling up with a good book and letting the story engulf me and take me away to a different place altogether.

the first poem ive written in years was given to a very dear friend on her birthday, and because of how much its touched her, its touched me too. it has rekindled the desire within me to write again.

13days till home, the anxiety is almost unbearable.

also, im really bad at playing guitar hero. but Wii bowling is fun :) this is entirely random.

on another note: Thank you God for bringing daddy here safely. i trust You will do the same with bringing Mum and PorPor here too.amen.

2008-12-02T19:42:00.000-08:00

love, joy, peace

patience, kindness, goodness.

I’m pushing up daisies, I wish they were roses
I feel like I’m drowning but nobody knows it
I’m pushing up daisies, I wish they were roses
I feel like I’m dying, just want you to notice.

Somehow the grave has captured me
Show me the man I used to be
Just when I feel my breath is running out

The earth moves and You find me, alive but unworthy
Broken and empty, but You don’t care
Cause’ you are my rapture, You are my savior
When all my hope is gone, I reach for You
You are my rescue
You are my rescue.

Don’t let me drown
Can You hear me
Cause’ I am drawing out
I’m underground
Won’t you pull me out?

Seabird-Rescue

forgiving just maybe one of the most difficult things ive ever had to do. but just when i feel im drowning in rage and self pity, i am reminded that He forgave, and because of that i am able to forgive. i can. and i will. and i should. because He did.

ive always said that life's too short to hold grudges, and today i finally understand what it really means.

today when i shed those tears, i know He cries with me. today when i surrendered my hurt and pain, i know He received them with open arms.

it's time to let go.

oh time flies

2008-11-27T18:30:00.000-08:00

we'll run to Your throne
where we belong.

pictures taken from ms. Lei's blog (: malaymas yummy food + freddo's after!

~~very expensive~~ CURRYPUFF (: drool.

lastly, happy anniversary! (:

if it kills

2008-11-22T05:01:00.000-08:00

cause everytime that i try
i get tongue tied.

it's been awhile since i camwhored (:

where there's darkness, there is surely light.

30 more days, and then we party (;

all my delight, is in You Lord.

this is my jam

2008-11-20T20:32:00.000-08:00

crucified to set me free,
now i live to bring You praise.

-when words just don't come close. (:

:')

2008-11-18T04:45:00.000-08:00

freely You gave it all for us
surrendered Your life upon that cross

always lololove hearing from the bf (: i am all smiles now. even with the knowledge that math is tomorrow.

also, i love my sheester! :)

a month+ to goo!!

xoxo.

change

2008-11-04T23:18:00.000-08:00

a new day, has come.

although i may not be part of the US of A, undoubtedly i am thrilled for the people of that nation. it's time for change. let this be a beginning of something great.

also, i realized barack obama stands for B.O. haha interesting.

okay back to studying :) sort of.

C, is for cookie

2008-10-19T00:14:00.000-07:00

i receive now, all you offer
no mistake, its meant for me

ive been feeling extremely unmotivated, lazy, useless and all the negative things lately. dont worry im not depressed, just..frustrated with myself that im not getting my saggy bum moving and studying+working. exams begin in a month, thats 4 weeks. not to mention the research essay and pointless presentation for EAP that needs completing.

i am honestly not good with math, at all. and honestly? topics like probability, binomial distributions and everything else remotely similiar is just. so. utterly. redundant. it. pisses. me. off. really.

im already fantasizing about going home, and reuniting with friends and family. ive seriously missed malls. :) and playing foosball. cant wait for the 26th, its going to be the bomb diggity :D

i need Your grace.
please.

this post is redundant, i just needed to vent. and also, i am procrastinating, if you havent already noticed.

for all the times

2008-10-13T21:58:00.000-07:00

there is a longing
only You can fill.

simply at a lack for words. enjoy the pictures :)

good fun :) <3

in every season

2008-09-24T05:29:00.000-07:00

one two
buckle my shoe.

term break is here. so far its been a hectic holiday, but im not complaining :) good time to catch up with people and have fun.

way too many events and things to post up. so ill leave it here, for now :)

because we all look so happy (: spring indeed <3

live high

2008-09-12T06:28:00.000-07:00

oh my, justifying reasons why
is an absolutely insane resolution to live by

note to self: falling sick this close to exams is no joke. must take better care of self. must start exercising, eat well & sleep less.

i know its not a month yet, but i just felt the urge to blog :) i do acknowledge the fact that i am probably in denial about the fact that im procrastinating from studying and doing my essay, but lets not go there.

i thought about maula today, so i decided to msg him. his replies were the absolute sweetest, they really made my day :) i miss him <3 ive been thinking alot of friends back home recently. not in a emo i-hate-melbourne-and-i-want-to-go-home kinda way, more of a fond, reminiscing way :)

i wanted to keep the date of my return a suprise, but then again, why prolong it any longer? so here it is: my flabby ass will touch down on malaysian soil on the 23rd of december :) its more or less confirmed, but if any changes come up i will let you guys know. i hope you guys are as excited as i am! (:

im really looking forward to the weekend, many good and interesting things happening :) especially that phonecall. exciting exciting times. i think i forgot to mention this because it completely slipped my mind, but for the record, Wicked kicked ass. it was all that i was hoping for and MORE. i enjoyed it sososo much :)

through good & bad times, we held each other up. thank you for being a part of my life :) happy (belated) birthday lim dominique jo. i love you, cant wait to be home to see and suffocate you with hugs :) x's and o's.

okay, shall get back to work. :)

when i grow up

2008-09-04T21:00:00.000-07:00

i will bring praise, i will bring praise
no weapon formed against me shall remain.

interesting: looking back at my blog post dates, i realize im starting to develop the tendency to update my blog about once a month. :/ not good. but oh well, better once a month than never, yes? :)

term 3 is almost coming to an end, another week plus exams before term break. i think we're all looking forward to a good 2 weeks of rest; although time really has escaped me, nonetheless its been quite an exhausting 9 weeks of school. i thank God for my sister, friends and OCF that has kept me sane throughout the perpetual flow of assignments and work. not forgetting the lovely emails from friends back home(sorry i havent replied yet! i know its been like a millenium already, ill get my butt/hands moving soon, i promise!). all in all good :)

to think its been 8 months since arriving in melbourne. to say the least, its been a hell of an experience :) so many people i want to thank for making life here in melbourne absolutely brilliant, but you all know who you are. okay, i dont know why im writing as if we're saying goodbye -.-

anyhoos, i honestly dont have much to write about. i think all the essay assignments has really killed it for me. but on the bright side, ill let the pictures do the talking for me. :) random pictures dated back supersuper long ago till recent times; too lazy to label them, heh. =)

there are quite a few more to go, but my eyes are starting to cross. so to avoid permanent eye damage ill stop here, for now :)

oh oh and i got a hair cut! i still think it looks retarded, and the layers are growing all wrong. but thank you, oh sweet ones who keep assuring me that it looks nice(ish). even though i dont believe any of you. harhar.

till next ~~month~~ time! (: <3

bleeding love

2008-08-07T05:23:00.000-07:00

lucky im in love with my best friend
lucky to have been where i have been.

i really need to stop eating out because my money is being sucked dry. im very very close to becoming broke. heh. skating on thin ice.

worship practice yesterday was, awesome. :) it just absolutely completed my day. it was such a good time of fellowship, and i learned so much from suemei :) and i really enjoyed dinner with jack, erica and lip hyean too. although, it was a little daunting being surrounded by two architecture students and one soon-to-be architecture student.

today i overslept(again) and missed my tute. its getting pretty bad, either i need to start sleeping alot earlier, or..yeah. see a sleep therapist maybe. but anyway i need to stop missing my classes! bad bad habit.

i had lunch with tracy, then walked&talked a little with her, did some much needed catching up with my fartee :) for dinner i met up with mel chong, had goood vietnamese food and had an even better heart to heart.
(see what i mean about eating out?)

so its been a good two days, so far. but it makes me wonder, just how long does this feeling last?

and zomgla i cannot believe m&m crew won?! dude seriously -.- like my dear bestie P says: ACDC all the way baby :) <3>

you & I both

2008-08-05T05:13:00.000-07:00

no need to complicate
our time is short.

okay, i dont know what it is about me and blogging at all the wrong and most horrible times, but i just do. i can't help it. for one, i have three assignments to do that are due within the next 3 weeks, not to mention all the math exercises that are collecting dust somewhere, plus lit essay is probably coming out soon, which is just GREAT. more work, yay. i haven't made progress on any of the work above. double yay.

okay shouldn't be so sarcastic, not good. haha.

but seriously i need to get my lazy butt moving and start pulling my weight if i want to get into melbourne uni. the application process should be starting anytimeee soon. just please dont ask me what i want to do because i dont have any idea on pluto, so i wont be able to give you an answer other than "errrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr?" haha.

other than slacking around and being a pro bum, life's been pretty good i guess. although talking to nique the other day made me realize just how much i miss home, and i REALLYREALLY want to go home soon. another four+ months to go :( i just hope people still remember me when i get back. lol. haven't exactly been the best at keeping in touch, IM SORRY!! i know im terrible, so lazy. *slaps self*.

i haven't really done much to be honest in the past ilostcountalready days(weeks?!) i was away, from the blogging scene. lets see, off the top my head, went to watch a few movies, Mamma Mia & DARK KNIGHT! i have newfound respect for Heath Ledger; such a pity really. awesomeawesome movie. <3

OH i also went to watch Edward Scissorhands the musical, and So You Think You Can Dance Australia Live Tour! it was good bonding time i believe :) really enjoyed myself. GAHHH i cant WAIT for WICKED! its going to be kickass, only 15 days to go. :D if you dont know what wicked is, google it!

ive been watching way too many movies and series's i.e. how i met your mother. such good friends i have. haha. but really, i thank God for the friends He's blessed me with :) honestly they are the ones who make Trinity bearable. and of course for OCF, no words need to be said, they are my family (:

i think i need to like apply for PR in the library if such a thing existed, because seriously i can resist anything except temptation. i just wish i could be more focused, more productive, more efficient with my time instead of wasting it stoning/dreaming/sleeping. sigh. okay im ranting.

i actually have quite alot of pictures to post up dating back to like, almost the stone age. harhar. but right now im just too lazy, forgive mee!! another time(although i cant promise when)! i realized this is a pretty long post, and its pretty draggy, IM SORRY!

i really miss everyone at home. i cant wait to be with you guys when i get back. <333 tons of love.

ps: i eat like a oinkoink pig over here okay. so dont be alarmed when you see me at the end of the year and you dont recognize me. hahaha. really.

awe

2008-07-06T23:26:00.000-07:00

surrounded by Your glory
how will my heart feel?

it never ceases to amaze me the amount of extraordinary people there are out there in the world. i remember quite awhile back, i was visiting Zhen's blog, and she posted up a video about Rick & Dick Hoyt, the father son team that participated in the ironman challenge. i dont usually watch videos on youtube (back then), but i felt compelled to watch this one.

it was and still is the most breathtaking and inspiring thing i have ever seen.

life has been very out of perspective for me lately. unmotivated, unfullfilled, lacking a purpose; sometimes it gets so overwhelming you lose your sense of direction. and yet somehow, watching this video, everything just fell into place. it is that powerful.

although ive watched this video many times, it never fails to bring tears to my eyes. but more than that, it touches my heart, right to its core. even sometimes to the point where i tremble. i know love presents itself in many forms, but the love this father has for his son, is truly indescribable. for me, it is a small representation of the love Jesus has for us. small.

Rick & Dick Hoyt are the true epitome of inspiration. they aren't inspiring, they are the inspiration.

whenever you think you can't, you can. and you must.

its hard to find words to blog about this, because no words are powerful enough to describe the impact it has on me. and on many others i believe.

i hope it will touch you, just as much as it has touched me. (:

bingo was his name

2008-07-04T23:43:00.000-07:00

we are not afraid
although we know theres much to fear

i never knew this. did you? (: haha.

i wish it were simple

2008-07-04T00:35:00.000-07:00

if you'd just realize what i just realized
then we'd be perfect for each other and we'd never find another

sometimes i just wonder where i went wrong. or if i am the wrong.
i think i desperately need to let go.
i need spiritual refreshment.

i need, to let Him take over.

nothing is wrong...

but nothing is right either.

in the quiet

2008-06-28T07:24:00.000-07:00

in the chaos, in confusion
i know, You're sovereign still

today was quite a fullfilling day :) spent the morning tidying up my room with mummy, vacuumed, organized and arranged everything. i can actually see my table now.

at around 2 jerica and christine came to pick me up. drove all the way to hawthorne, im not sure if i got the spelling right(probably not), to have lunch. we wanted to have jap at this place called samurai, but they closed at 3. so instead we walked around, and around, i think we walked the entire stretch, till we decided to just eat at this cafe-y place. couldnt remember the name, haha. we nearly went to sophia's in camberwell but i was about to faint from hunger pangs, so we didnt. (:

had yummy food and talked about chick flicks! haha. time well spent indeed. after that we decided to walk some more, then headed home. we got lost though so i was a leeetle bit late. decided not to join aunty michelle and mum and sis for dinner, so i slept instead. obviously.

but aunty michelle and her family came over so i got to spend a little time with her and her family :) her two daughters are beyond adorable. if(when) i have kids, i want them to be exactly like nicole & victoria. haha. theyre just absolute angels.

i found out this website where i can watch movies so i am definitely a happy camper. haha. kung fu panda is hilarious, i lurve it. :D

okay so thats about it. christine is going home tomorrow, ill miss her. i miss peiqi tooo. and everyone else whos going homee, have a safe flight :)

sydney in ONE day. (:

only you will i adore

2008-06-27T06:02:00.000-07:00

hope will rise, glory shown
in my life, Your will be done

just for the heck of it, & because exams are officially over.

Dear:

aishahmuzzieniquejuehangpututvidlenajillzhenvanumimzdavidadlancousins!auntyjocarmentrishrianne
polyiekanabellenislynntinbaitinellykimanniebreefaiainadibahtwins&whoeverelseileftoutimsosorry.

please know, you are dearly missed.

With Love&kisses,

The Potato :)

<3>

Its a new day

2008-06-25T20:37:00.000-07:00

for the world will fade away
still my song to you remains

i am still alive. barely. harhar, okay no im joking. or at least i was semi-joking. exams have really been driving me up the wall. actually, i think ive become uber lazy. i can sit in front of the tv for hours on end and not get bored, seriously. i think ive given new meaning to the word couch potato. i am the epitome of couch potatoes if you will. i wondered how i survived SPM?! -.-

i still have one more paper to go, so that being said naturally i thought itd be the perfect time to update my blog, before the next millennium arrives and im still stuck at post '7th june'. (:

so the thing ive been looking forward to the most has finally arrived in the form of my mummy :) i really thank God that she was able to make this trip, because for the remainder of the year she will be the only little piece of home i will get. im so envious of those who get to return home during the june holidays, ive been feeling soso homesick for the longest time, i feel its already ingrained in me.

i need to see my friends, i need to see them & hug them and ask them if they still remember me, and thump them if they say no. heh, kidding. :) but seriously, whoever who has not given up reading my blog, reading this now, i miss you. more than words can say.

however despite all of it, melbourne has been an interesting experience so far. ive had countless ups and downs, probably more downs, but God has truly been faithful :) one of the things im most grateful for is my sister. granted, we've had our fair share of disagreements and the occasional "im ignoring you go away grr" moments, but nevertheless shes been there for me. in my loneliest and darkest moments she gave me strength to carry on. :) youre awesome che. also if it werent for her, id probably starve to death. or all my hair would've fallen out from living on indomie(which is all i can make). seriously.

i get the feeling this is going to be a preeetty long post. this is what happens when you become a potato and procrastinate people. tsk.

anyways, oh! another thing i realized, coming to melbourne, i have not taken many pictures. my camera is collecting dust somewhere in my room. so, my blog will pretty much be picture-less indefinitely. this is why we have facebook. i am completely reliant on other people's cameras.

so updates, from what i can remember, not in chronological order, harhar.

anns 21st suprise party/dinner at Toto's :) had a goodgood time. after all there was food. & good company of course.
Sex and the City movie with sis, her friends & beebee. definitely my movie of the year <3
Chronicles of Narnia with my two girls (: was fun drooling over hot actors together.
busking for psych! definitely a moment to remember :)) fun fun day!
all the tuesday after EAP hangout sessions with sarah and matthew. i always have a good time with them (: cant wait for next term!
studying, suprisingly quite often, in the library. no im not becoming a nerd. i talk more than i study.
nacho session with lynn before she went back. i miss her already.
Come Celebrate! =)

okay, it is tiring trying to recap how many months worth of stuff. my brain is fried. suppose to be studying for psychology.

i think i will leave it here, for now. sydney in three days, i cant wait! I NEED TO SHOP! :( badly. God forgive me if i get in over my head.

okay so imagine all that, but about 3 times messier. :) that was taken when we just moved in. so yeah.

ohoh and the emails that i havent replied, i will get my lazy ass moving and reply them once exams are over okayy? :)

i miss all of youu. tons of love. xxx

what can i say?

2008-06-07T07:25:00.000-07:00

do you hear me,

talking to you?

have been superbly unmotivated to blog since ive been here. no idea why, but since im blaming everything on the weather as it is, i guess ill stick to that? :) but thats not fair, the weather has been nice la.

ive also come to realize that the only times that i am actually motivated to blog, is when im actually not feeling too good about myself, or something bad has happened, or anything that can be categorized as emo. is that just me? :/ probably rightt. i guess at times when theres really no one left to turn to, or well it seems that way, we vent to our blogs :) again, could be just me.

sometimes we just want someone who will listen; not hear, listen. people should talk less & listen more, seriously, because you have two ears, and only one mouth.

sometimes i think people are judging me for being quiet; maybe i come off as being snobbish even; arrogant or proud. it breaks my heart that my true intentions dont come across the way i want it to, and maybe its because im doing it wrongly. im not sure.

thats another thing, its hard to find people who will acknowledge or truly appreciate others who take time to listen. it just is. i guess its because we live in a world that is so "me" focused, that we forget about everyone else.

this post probably doesnt make any sense, haha. but if it does to you, for whatever reason, press on. dont give up listening, but know that its not going to be easy. it never is. im not giving up. :) i wont.

i think im quite screwed, suppose to be studying for exams, but then i come up with this emo thing. haha. :)

my heart has never left home <3>

thats how you know

2008-05-20T05:50:00.000-07:00

you spoke the earth into motion

my soul now to stand.

honestly it feels weird to be blogging again after being AWOL for awhile :) but i guess its safe to say there is also a small part of me that has truly missed it. Although it isnt big enough to keep my blog updated, harhar.

alot has happened over the time ive been away from the blogging scene. okay maybe not that much -.-

but recently times have been getting a little rougher. i wont go into details, but i suppose everyone struggles with this at some point in their lives :)

and i suppose it is in our darkest moments, that God is really able to shine. im so glad to finally hear from the bestfriend. if youre reading this, you have no idea how much ive needed and wanted to hear from you :) you have just turned my entire day around love. <3

its funny how something as little and supposedly insignificant as an email, can have such an indescribable impact on you. the little wonders in life.