me, you & my medication

i didnt mean for it to go as far as it did

and i didnt mean to get so close, & share what we did
and i didnt mean to fall in love, but i did

and you didnt mean to love me back, but i know you did.

so ive survived through the first day of trials, barely. i daren't say anything about the paper for fear of jinxing it, but im glad its over. the only way im going to stay alive is to take it one day at a time.

its been a rollercoaster of months, filled with ups and downs; but mostly downs. behind every smile lurks a tear; and behind every laugh hides an insecurity. and behind every broken heart, lies a sliver of hope.

if my legs were fast enough, id run them for miles. id run till the road meets the sky; i wont give up the fight. id find a place to call my own, hidden beneath the shadows. id lie awake and gaze at the stars; and id cherish the journey ive travelled thus far.

wont hear a word they say, they dont know us anyway.

oh, almost forgot. i passed my undang exam :) no biggie, but i was nearly estatic with joy, i felt my jaw was going to shatter from all the grinning. another step closer to bein a hazard on the road. praise God (:

one night and one more time, thanks for the memories. for old times sake <3

im still here

And i want a moment to be real

Want to touch things i dont feel
Want to hold on

And feel i belong

i specifically remembered delivering a feverish pep talk to myself about the importance of time management, as well as dedicating the one week holidays ultimately to studying and revising for trials.

i basically recruited myself a slave unto my books.

with that said, naturally it is only expected that i got the following done:

• ate my way through the kitchen.
• reread the "California Club" by Belinda Jones for the upteenth time.
• watched approximately four DVD's
• went online religiously until the connection crashed
• watched daytime television that included "The Little Mermaid"
• ate my way through the kitchen. again.
• read one chapter on chemistry. thatd be chapter one.

well id say that was mighty productive, wouldn't you? :)

and the words that they whisper are lies that ill never believe.

i will never let you fall, ill stand up for you forever

Seasons are changing
And waves are crashing

And stars are falling all for us

Days grow longer and nights grow shorter

I can show you I'll be the one

i find it oddly comforting coupled with a slight tinge of satisfaction to blog during the times when i really should be doing something else incredibly important.

in this case it would be studying.

perhaps its because i find solace in translating my thoughts down within a tiny confined space utterly bewilderingly soothing, almost therapeutic.

im anticipating the upcoming month to be extremely stressful. im praying for strength and most of all determination to hang on till the bitter end. it wont be easy, but then again we're all going through it, together.






then again very little can actually seperate the truth from the lies.

you have stolen my heart

time square cant shine as bright as you, i swear its true

we had a interesting discussion about NS in school today, i must say i found it very entertaining. i wasn't sure if to feel insulted or amused at the fact that no one alot of people were sceptical about me making out of NS alive.

not like i believe i can.

but sometimes its just nice to have someone say you can actually kick ass. thanks joash : )

take me back to a place of serenity <3

i think ill start it over, where no one knows my name

if you give me a chance, i can love you right, but you're telling me it wont be enough

i think God works in mysterious and often odd ways. most of the time things really just don't go according to the way we plan it. there must have been a reason to why both me and nikki were chosen for NS when both our sister's already went through it.

that and the fact alone that me going for NS must be some cosmic joke.

well im currently finding some way to worm my out of this because i have a strong feeling ill probably be shipped off to a ulu kampung in sarawak and get eaten alive by mutant infested mosquito's the size of my thigh. laugh all you want now, but my sixth sense are pretty damn accurate at times.

its not fair that ns just has to screw up everything. i hope we'll find a way together <3

anything but ordinary

why do i even bother trying. anything & everything i do rarely gets acknowledged or appreciated. efforts go to waste, & it all ends in bitter disappointment.


im so tired sick of this.