LGMH

manage me, i'm a mess
turn a page, i'm a book half unread

Joy to the world

Jeremiah was a bull frog,
was a good friend of mine.

Such a catchy song :) I like happy songs, they strike my fancy <3 plus they come in real handy when you've had it up to here (insert appropriate hand gesture) with studying.

So, life as of late has been reduced to a whirlwind of books, stale library smells and a non-existent social life. Not that I mind really, I find a certain solace in hunkering over my notes strewn haphazardly on the table, knowing that I'm surrounded by hundreds of other students doing the exact same thing. Conformity? Probably more of a last minute race to burn the midnight oil.

Another thing about libraries-table graffiti. I find it hilarious. Well some of them;

"Excuses are like assholes, everyone's got one!" (below that): "comment's like this are like assholes, and you ARE one!" (beside that): "this is why melb uni is unique, lots of assholes".

HAHAHAHA.

major endorphin rush. (you can tell life get's a tad sad when this is the extent of the highlight of your day.)

But there were some pretty cool stuff too; like seeing "Lyndon baines johnson-1964" and "Christine the great-1948" etched on the wooden tables. Not that I condone graffiti/vandalism, but it was pretty amazing knowing that this very same world of books and old Harry Potter-esque buildings existed in a time that preceded our generation.

There were even reality checks too! "You didn't come all the way here just to read hateful graffiti." Which was when I stopped studying my table intently and started my hunkering business.

Sometimes I've just got to keep reminding myself why I'm here, and what I've been called to do; learn to lay aside all the burdens and just do it. Come on girl, you're half way there.

'All I could see was the fog, I think if I could see the shore, I would've made it'-Florence May Chadwick, first women to swim the English channel.

Make your body sing!

You are who you are,
no matter where i am

i have come to a conclusion: less of fb, somehow equals more of blogging. this might be a somewhat unsurprising and in itself a redundant realization in retrospect. and here i thought i had quite the complex mind. nah who was i kidding, that must be some colossal joke. heh heh.

i have the strangest urge to type in caps, must be frustration. SOMETIMES YOU NEED TO WRITE LIKE THIS BECAUSE SOMEHOW SEEING BIG HUGE-Y LETTERS APPEAR ON YOUR SCREEN MAKES YOU FEEL BETTER BECAUSE MAYBE, THAT WAY YOU DON'T FEEL HORRIBLY SMALL AND UPSET AND PLAIN FRUSTRATED.

who needs therapy? feel good session was a key away.

i've been having multiple goosfraba moments over a very short time span. i might actually self-implode one day.

Last night, or maybe it was the night before, i forgot which colored toothbrush i was using after having used it for like 10 years or something, and i had to consult my sister, who's answer was 'i dont know?'. of course she wouldn't! IM suppose to know these things. THIS IS ONE OF THE FRUSTRATING THINGS MY MEMORY IS DEPLETING!

for my next shopping trip, it shall be clothes, shoes, and a stack of crossword and sudoku books. i can practically feel the slow creep of Alzheimer's snaring itself around me, much like a cold grip. either that, or i must start ingesting more greens! (cringes). SUDOKU BOOKS FTW LAH.

You love me anyway

But the future's so far, my heart is so frail
I think i'd rather stay inside

faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen. -hebrews 11:1

i'm slightly tickled at the fact that while my mind is a tidal wave of unease scrambling to sort out the jumbalaya's in my head, God quietly slips in and nudges me to pay attention to what's staring me (literally, it's on a picture frame on my desk) in the face.

faith.

some thing's are just much too personal to be filled in this space. but i know You understand how it feels, how it feels to go through the painstaking motions everyday. to be reminded of how it all feels when the floodgates of your past open only to taunt, it was never too far behind, and its slowly catching up to you.

faith. here it comes;

every tear i cry, you hold in your hand
you never left my side, though my heart is torn
i will praise you in this storm.

I'm a jealous lover & i won't back down

In darkness, in trial, my soul shall sing
of his mercy, & kindness, our offering of praise
our God never fails.

I often chide myself for losing perspective sometimes. I'm so blinded by the myriad of trivial problems on my not-so-gleaming silver platter that i forget what's really important.

Sometimes i wish You would just fold and encase me in bubble-wrap; so that when life throws me blows i could just bounce back. boink boink all around in my blissful little semi-transculent world of endless circles and popping noises. i suppose most of all, i could continue pretending that all of this worldly things couldn't hurt me.

Daddy would you do that for me?

Sigh, yes it is tiring. but to eschew the elements of this world is also somewhat impossible. Hence we strike a compromise. i shall (learn to) surrender.

here i go again on another arm-flailing leg-thrashing body-convulsing journey into a realm of uncertainty and (probably) discomfort. but you know, my God never fails. i choose to believe that. besides, doesn't light shine brightest amidst a sea of murky depth and darkness?

i am tired, disappointed & upset. but all i can do is to strive to find the joy that is of abundance in You.

Daddy, would you do this with me?

we were meant to live for so much more

my heart will choose to say,
Lord blessed be your Name.

take my tears and take my sorrow
take the lies and make it true
help me face a new tomorrow
take my heart and make it new.

i will learn to praise You in the storm
i will dance with You in rain
i will walk with You on water
i will trust You with my pain.

i want to capture the beauty of Your creation
i long to bask in Your embrace
i yearn to seek after Your presence
until i see You face to face

i know that im imperfect
broken beyond repair
yet somehow when i fall and bruise
You never failed to be there

i know You'll take my shattered pieces
and my little something awful
i know You'll show me that within this brokenness
lies something so much more beautiful

show them Your grace is sufficient
reveal to them all that is true
show those who need to see the beauty within them
until they see their image reflected in You.

Get a grip

That quiet little corner,
where I would sit & write,
of fluttering fates and dreams ablaze
I'd cast my inhibitions out of sight.

To dive into my make believe
a fabric of brushstrokes & seams,
I'd climb into my little shell
& continue to dream.

Maybe, i was not as friendless as I thought I was :)