beautiful beginnings

can't you feel my heart beat fast,
i want this to last:]

The arm's of my Savior

there's no other place,
that i'd rather be

Hey Dad,

Help. :'( It hurts...everywhere.

I can feel it in the little fragments of my bones; the way my whole my body shivers and trembles and how my head is leaden with weight. My eyes are so swollen I feel like I'm squinting perpetually. My toes have surpassed the point of no return and I can barely feel them, every now and then I look (well, squint) down just to check that they're still there and haven't fallen off.

Most of all, I feel pain, darting in every single direction and scorching every available surface of my heart.

But I also thank You for sisters, who graciously allow me to stumble into her room and into her arms just to sob relentlessly.

thank You for friends who stay up with me comforting, consoling, advising and humoring me until I feel like my air supply is not forcing itself out in restricted gasping intakes of breath.

Dad, it hurts. So much.

But thank You nonetheless.

whatever happens, I will strive to find the rainbow in the rain.

it feels like home to me

there's something in your eyes,
makes my heart beat fast, hope this feeling lasts

my head is a catastrophic tornado of words, ideas, dreams & visions. sometimes, it feels so expanded to the brim that instead of erupting, it's sneakily dribbling out in undiscovered imaginary peepholes.

i just made my mind sound like a leaking waterhole.

life is slowly tipping heavily towards a graying scale; i want to experience it in technicolor.



God makes me smile sometimes :)

LGMH

manage me, i'm a mess
turn a page, i'm a book half unread

Joy to the world

Jeremiah was a bull frog,
was a good friend of mine.

Such a catchy song :) I like happy songs, they strike my fancy <3 plus they come in real handy when you've had it up to here (insert appropriate hand gesture) with studying.

So, life as of late has been reduced to a whirlwind of books, stale library smells and a non-existent social life. Not that I mind really, I find a certain solace in hunkering over my notes strewn haphazardly on the table, knowing that I'm surrounded by hundreds of other students doing the exact same thing. Conformity? Probably more of a last minute race to burn the midnight oil.

Another thing about libraries-table graffiti. I find it hilarious. Well some of them;

"Excuses are like assholes, everyone's got one!" (below that): "comment's like this are like assholes, and you ARE one!" (beside that): "this is why melb uni is unique, lots of assholes".

HAHAHAHA.

major endorphin rush. (you can tell life get's a tad sad when this is the extent of the highlight of your day.)

But there were some pretty cool stuff too; like seeing "Lyndon baines johnson-1964" and "Christine the great-1948" etched on the wooden tables. Not that I condone graffiti/vandalism, but it was pretty amazing knowing that this very same world of books and old Harry Potter-esque buildings existed in a time that preceded our generation.

There were even reality checks too! "You didn't come all the way here just to read hateful graffiti." Which was when I stopped studying my table intently and started my hunkering business.

Sometimes I've just got to keep reminding myself why I'm here, and what I've been called to do; learn to lay aside all the burdens and just do it. Come on girl, you're half way there.

'All I could see was the fog, I think if I could see the shore, I would've made it'-Florence May Chadwick, first women to swim the English channel.

Make your body sing!

You are who you are,
no matter where i am

i have come to a conclusion: less of fb, somehow equals more of blogging. this might be a somewhat unsurprising and in itself a redundant realization in retrospect. and here i thought i had quite the complex mind. nah who was i kidding, that must be some colossal joke. heh heh.

i have the strangest urge to type in caps, must be frustration. SOMETIMES YOU NEED TO WRITE LIKE THIS BECAUSE SOMEHOW SEEING BIG HUGE-Y LETTERS APPEAR ON YOUR SCREEN MAKES YOU FEEL BETTER BECAUSE MAYBE, THAT WAY YOU DON'T FEEL HORRIBLY SMALL AND UPSET AND PLAIN FRUSTRATED.

who needs therapy? feel good session was a key away.

i've been having multiple goosfraba moments over a very short time span. i might actually self-implode one day.

Last night, or maybe it was the night before, i forgot which colored toothbrush i was using after having used it for like 10 years or something, and i had to consult my sister, who's answer was 'i dont know?'. of course she wouldn't! IM suppose to know these things. THIS IS ONE OF THE FRUSTRATING THINGS MY MEMORY IS DEPLETING!

for my next shopping trip, it shall be clothes, shoes, and a stack of crossword and sudoku books. i can practically feel the slow creep of Alzheimer's snaring itself around me, much like a cold grip. either that, or i must start ingesting more greens! (cringes). SUDOKU BOOKS FTW LAH.

You love me anyway

But the future's so far, my heart is so frail
I think i'd rather stay inside

faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen. -hebrews 11:1

i'm slightly tickled at the fact that while my mind is a tidal wave of unease scrambling to sort out the jumbalaya's in my head, God quietly slips in and nudges me to pay attention to what's staring me (literally, it's on a picture frame on my desk) in the face.

faith.

some thing's are just much too personal to be filled in this space. but i know You understand how it feels, how it feels to go through the painstaking motions everyday. to be reminded of how it all feels when the floodgates of your past open only to taunt, it was never too far behind, and its slowly catching up to you.

faith. here it comes;

every tear i cry, you hold in your hand
you never left my side, though my heart is torn
i will praise you in this storm.