Pensive thoughts

More than the air I breathe, more than the song I sing
more than the next heartbeat, more than anything

Wow, I have unknowingly taken a four month hiatus from writing. It wasn't until recently that I can successfully say I've finished, and by finish I mean thoroughly and completely, reading Eat, Pray, Love. That's probably an understatement, I practically devoured the book over the course of four (late) nights. Such a shame, I know, for someone who claims to love books and reading, I've got a growing stack of unread/partially-read books patiently sitting on my table. I SHALL VOW TO FINISH THEM ALL (before I start spoiling myself with new ones). I'm currently on my second attempt at finishing Lisa Bevere's 'Fight like a Girl'. I'm only on my 25th page, but already I'm feeling empowered and ready to CONQUER THE WORLD. It's like nourishment for the feminine soul :)

A note on Eat Pray Love-I found it truly inspiring on so many levels, which probably explained why I sacrificed precious sleep, eagerly flipping the pages till the early hours of the morning. Perhaps what spoke volumes to me was her struggle to find contentment and peace in a truly chaotic and static-y world. I mean, surely we can all relate to that at some point in our lives? And it is only when she had learned to break away from the white noise and allowed herself to experience God wholeheartedly could she mend the broken-ness, hurt and resentment, and find joy.

I'd definitely buy this as a gift for a girlfriend of mine :)

After two whole weeks of company and bliss of having mum around, she finally packed her bags, gave us tight hugs and with tears in her eyes promised we'd see each other again soon. And we will, I know we will. Yet the silence still echoes in our small apartment, and I know I'm going to miss her rummaging around in the kitchen early in the morning, hearing her voice (though with nagging undertones urging me to wake up), and just..her. I'm just going to miss her.

The thing is, no matter how many times a loved one visits, for however long, it is always hard to say goodbye. Goodbyes are tough-often bittersweet and tinged with the hopefulness of when we would reunite. But I've been so blessed with the most amazing mother, the most amazing family. And it's quiet times like these when I'm feeling all weepy, nostalgic and introspective, that I offer up a prayer of gratitude, for blessing me with the abundance of a loving mom, dad and sister.

And for now, at least for this moment, I have found my contentment in them-my 'ohana' :)

I guess the change in my pocket just wasn't enough

just a spoonful of sugar

makes the medicine go down

photobooth is so much fun :) i'm buzzed i finally got my instax mini up and running and working properly. time to capture them happy moments.

i'm temporarily out-of-order in terms of words-i forget how to write :( but nehmind i'm still getting my head around final year even though we're already 3 weeks in. bronchitis can do that to you i guess.

also, my heart is still slowly breaking for Japan, New Zealand and the homefront still recovering from the floods. just another 'why' to add to the growing list i'll probably never get answers to.

#206

He promised not to leave us, & His promises are true
so in this chaos baby, I can dance with you

I saw half a rainbow today.

It gave me hope.

Excerpt

friends, lovers,

or nothing.

'Each second makes its mark on every single person's life. comes and then goes, quietly disappearing without fanfare, evaporating into air like steam from a piping hot Christmas pudding. Enough time leaves us warm; when our time is gone, it too leaves us cold. Time is more precious then gold, more precious than diamonds, more precious than oil or any valuable treasures. It is time we do not have enough of; it is time that causes war within our hearts, and so we must spend it wisely. Time cannot be packaged and ribboned and left under trees for Christmas morning.

'Time can't be given, but it can be shared.'

-The Gift, Cecelia Ahern

Sigh, tis the season to be jolly? :( I could use a nice slice of forget-me pie and a cup of hot i-wish-this-never-happened chocolate. Perhaps in Gloria Jeans? WHY MUST I OVER-THINK EVERYTHING, i am exhausted. Please brain, neurons, conscience what-have-you, take a nice vacation and let me rest for awhile lah okay? Terlalu penat berfikir like, all the time.

Sometimes, I wish(ed) I was braver.

D&J, it's going to be okay. :)

Forever reign

Oh, I'm running to your arms, I'm running to your arms
the riches of Your love, will always be enough

Amidst the hustle&bustle, the trips&falls, You quietly slipped in and swept me off my feet.

Learning to fall in love with You all over again :)

M was missing :( but other than that, this was pure heaven-sent :) could definitely do with more days like these.

The Search for something More

we believe for, even greater
we believe for more

Since spring is near, I figured the old space could be spruced and swapped for a different look-a 'spring cleaning' if you will :) besides, sometimes I reckon fresh ideas and inspiration unwraps itself along with the presence of something new.

It's struck me recently how easy it is to get swept up in the tornado of events, serving, socializing, friends & family encircling you on a regular basis. How easy it is to get lost within that vortex of pandemonium that you suddenly find yourself losing focus & perspective.

Sometimes I find that I lose myself along the way too.

Then all of a sudden when the storm calms, and the disarrays settles, you're left with all these different sorts of fragments of a puzzle which you're frantically struggling to piece back together-hoping that in some way you could find the person you once were, and find your way back.

It's tiring though. & it's experiencing that isolated silent grief of losing yourself when you realize that, it's things like these that really rob you from claiming joy, peace & rest. and i never doubted for a second that this was not at all how You intended it to be.

Life-as challenging, difficult & bittersweet as it is- I still believe is worth striving through the pain, confusion & hurt; because knowing that you're actually here for a purpose, somehow protects the fire that's burning somewhere inside.

The hope, & the knowledge, that I'm here to make a difference.

Locked hearts & hand grenades

only You can make me whole
give me strength to make me grow

I sometimes wonder about those moments- life in all it's busyness, chaotic-frustration and disappointments that snares itself so frighteningly comfortable around us it becomes a second layer of who we are.

I wonder about those moments-you know, the one's where you're desperately scrolling through your itunes to find a song loud enough to drown the emptiness swelling within you. or sometimes how quietness is so loud i can feel it reverberating from my core.

That moment when I actually did step out for a run (okay fine, brisk walk/jog at best from my absolute fail lack-of-stamina) and my feet were pounding pavement, it felt exhilarating; somewhat akin to escapism though I know its naive to think i can literally 'run' from my troubles. nevertheless, it was my moment (to escape)-to feel that even if it was for only a minute, i could just run as fast and as hard as my feet would carry me.

and in that one minute, i could feel nothing, and everything at once.

beautiful :)

I wonder if i'm the only one who remembers moments like these, & then muse about them in retrospect haha :)

I'm thankful for a lot of things really. just recently i met a girl called Zina (okay this might be somewhat inaccurate) in one of my lectures. a vibrant and colorful character that totally made me smile :) and that's why i thank You for these random little blessings-because You know how they absolutely make my day.