Stress Relief

Beauty that made, this heart

adore You

Sometimes, i find myself slipping into quiet consciousness, where I find myself leaving the dimensions of time. It's kind of scary, but also sort of cool. I think its during moments like these that reality slowly starts to sink in, and then I realize that in about two months ill be somewhere completely different, & foreign. 

Kind of scary, but also sort of cool. 

It's been such an arduous process, no doubt. The skeptic in me taunts me in the wee hours of the morning sometimes-'it'll never be all you want, or need, it to be. Faith is for the foolish. Don't hope.' And it takes every ounce of self-control within me to silence her. 

In my quiet consciousness, I'm strong, and courageous, and I walk in faith knowing that everything is going to be okay. I am at rest, even through difficult times, and I am secured in my identity in the only One who truly matters. I laugh, I cry, I dance (in the rain)-it all comes together to form a kaleidoscope of beautiful colors and images of the person I was meant to be. 

And then I blink, and wake up. And everything, is just as it is. 

Arms open wide

I am Yours,

& You are mine.

Ever since that song popped into my head a few mornings ago while I was searching for songs to do my QT to, I've been listening to it on repeat. It's such a beautiful song, and I think it resonates with me especially in this season. It's as though, my heart is somehow captured by the lyrics of the song, and that all I really want, is to surrender, to stand with arms wide open, just to let Him know that I want His way above mine.

But really, the best part is to know that I am fully His, and He is, just as wonderfully, amazingly, all mine.

It's taken me awhile to get to this point though, and the only reason why I'm writing this down is every so often, I want to remind myself that so much growth has come out of the last 3 months, when Deeper started. I was reflecting on it this morning and I remember how, broken and contrite my spirit was. And yet by taking that (very) small tentative step towards Him, with all my insecurities, loneliness and vulnerabilities laid bare, He very slowly drew me closer to His heart. Not all at once though, just enough, everyday, enough to know that if anything, He is capable of mending it, of mending me.

There's still so much uncertainty in the future, I constantly get asked questions about my direction that I have no answers to. But it's okay, I don't have to know all the answers. Right now, life is still messy, its still busy & hectic and exams have taken over my life. Every other day I still experience frustrations, like any other person would. I still go through periods where I feel small & alone, and I carry that hurt with me as I lay balled up in bed.

And yet, I find myself falling more in love with You, every single day. I think, I can finally understand what content is, it's not about having a perfect nothing-will-go-wrong life, it's about being able to rest in You, and Your love, and to know that even if things don't go the way I want them to, everything will be all right.

I know now, God. I know.

Thank You so much, for everything. I'm excited for the next chapter of my life to unfold, also because I can't wait to continue walking on this journey with You, right by my side.

Thresholds

I gotta have roots before branches,

faith for taking chances

It's been such a turbulent year of emotions. Growing pains is a real thing, and I feel as though I've been stretched out in ways I never thought possible. But maybe that's a good thing. Maybe everything I'm experiencing right now, is Your way of showing me that I'm a lot stronger than what I used to be, not because of me and what I can do, but because of Your grace, and because this is the only way that I can really see how amazing You are.

Funny how things, how life, turns out sometimes. Sure, lonely and trying periods will always come. But there is something far greater that I'm holding on to, and I can only pray that better things are yet to come.

This can't be the end.

Better things, will come.

Wanderlust #1

Reaching for something in the distance,
so close you can almost taste it

It's been awhile, and to be completely honest the urge to write has been creeping up on me slowly, although it's mostly drowned out by a stronger instinct to 9gag or download shows. But I'm writing this now because in a few months, when I'm pulling yet another all-nighter or stressing over an assignment, I'd want to remind myself that I did have fun, once upon a time :) and that Master's won't last forever, and pretty soon I'll be packing my bags and (hopefully) embarking on another journey somewhere, anywhere.

I reckon starting small is the best way to go. Singapore is only a 5-hour bus ride away, but still you need a passport to get out of the country, and that was good enough for me. The morning of Day-1 was not the greatest start for any trip, but in retrospect I'm just glad that everything worked itself out in the end. God really does come through, even if it's at the latest possible minute. Anyway, after what felt like a pretty brief journey on the bus, YS & I touched down on glorious, clean Singapore soil. We parted at Novena, where I was greeted by familiar and well loved faces. A nourishing round of fish noodle soup later, I went home with D & J, where I could catch a quick breather and unload before meeting L to go to PQ's house.

I think my fear of getting lost coupled with my (pretty) useless sense of direction is always crippling, but I'm so thankful for:
1) Very brightly colored and well-explained MRT maps that give you clear directions
2) Extremely patient friends who care enough to painstakingly explain every little detail of what you need to know/do when traveling, even though I ask the same questions over and over again

So, I spent Saturday night with a belly full of popiah and porridge, topped with a decadent round of desserts comprising fruits AND a fruit tart. Needless to say I was stuffed, but I'd like to think I walked off all that food just by..well, walking. everywhere!

While Saturday was a pretty exhausting day, I gladly slept in on Sunday, heading out in the afternoon with D to grab some lunch across the road. In this humid country, I was pretty much perspiring everywhere I went, silently hoping I wouldn't be greeted with disgust at my lack of "presentable" appearance. Sunday afternoon gave me the opportunity to kick back and read my page-turner of a book before getting picked up to go back to PQ's house for the night.

It's such a blessing when you're blessed by others, and how this wonderful family blessed me to no end :) we walked to East Coast park to indulge in what I had been waiting for all this while, chillicrab! and mantao! and prawns! We finished off the night with a round of chinese dessert and a nice walk back home.

Early Monday morning we had a quick (but delicious) breakfast before PQ's dad dropped me at Harborfront where YS and I reunited. We then made our way to the well-anticipated USS! Although the crowd was pretty disappointing, because i was expecting it to be EMPTY, i had to say we really did enjoy ourselves that day (: loved the rides, didn't love the humidity+sweating, also loved the little gingerbread man souvenir YS bought for me (: we left USS that evening and took the bus ride back, where I collapsed the minute I reached home.

I realize this has become a longer post than I anticipated, but typing out the little details of the trip helped me relive it all over again, and I'm now typing this with a smile plastered all over my face. It was a short, but pretty great, trip. I think more than anything, I enjoyed the talks, catch-ups, heart-to-hearts, and just the amazing company to no end. For that I am so thankful.

I can't wait for the next trip! (: