Battlefield

why does love always feel like a
battlefield.

Writing/blogging again feels strange. Perhaps had I not given into the somewhat innate nature of mine to procrastinate & dillydally, the words might flow more smoothly; sifting through my mental vocabulary for the appropriate words to weave a story might not have been such a struggle either.

Perfectionist genes: cue mental sigh.

I realize my initiative to blog has somehow averted directions; interesting how time creates a space for you to mould and shift the constructs of your life. Keeps life interesting I suppose :)

I settled in to catch the last half hour or so of Titanic, my contented belly filled slightly too much over the brim. (buffet style, shame on you for expecting any less of me. (:) I kid. Anyway, minutes later I find myself clicking my way to blogger, (right now), thinking.

Thinking. Writing;

Years later having watched the exact same movie for the umpteenth time, James Cameron has once again managed to tug my heartstrings in four separate directions, leaving me both breathless and slightly agonized. Fiction it may be, but the story that is the love between Jack & Rose is simply breathtaking.

Typing this I can almost feel my heart leaden with heaviness with the knowledge that 1500 people died that night; out of the 6 boats, only one came back.

ONE.

Sometimes I really don't know why I put myself through all this -.- knowing that later I will be experiencing emotions one does not quite fancy feeling right before bedtime. Same with Jodi Picoult books; she lures me in with her victimized characters & heartbreaking plot, shattering little pieces of my heart everytime I read a chapter.

By the end of it I'm left with a pile of mush. I should just sweep myself up in the beginning and save myself the hassle. This is the kind of internal struggle I put myself through, brilliant.

I suppose the thing that always draws me to things like that is the idea of the frailty of humanity. Yet somehow beneath the flawed, lies an amazing strength and power to love, to survive.

I guess it's because underneath my facade of cynicism and skeptical-ness, it's these fabrications that ignites the hope deep within me; sometimes you just have to believe and have faith. :)

Open Your Eyes

all these feel strange and untrue
that i won't waste a minute without you.

As surreal as it is, the final week, no day of sem 2 is here. Following next week's SWOT VAC and exams, I would have bid my first year as a uni student farewell. I don't know why this is coming off as sounding nostalgic, there's still 2 years to go.

Perhaps deep down, I know thing's just won't be the same.

Just as I'm writing this with fingers poised slightly above the keys, I'm actually experiencing a flurry of emotions; so much so that I'm rendered somewhat speech(maybe word is more appropriate)less. It's oddly unsettling.

Maybe, in a nutshell, I had unraveled along the way; shuffling my thoughts, beliefs & emotions along with me in a tidal wave of uncertainty and bitterness. How ironic is it that I spent an entire 12 weeks educating myself about the formation of identities in children when I myself have somehow lost touch of my own. Life is funny like that I guess :)

On an unrelated note, if you can't learn to laugh at yourself (which I believe is an aspiring quality to have), sometimes the people around you can do it for you :) Ah friends.

I suppose there is no concrete solution to the insurmountable questions we I have sometimes. I think way too much -.- However, a personal remedy of mine (& you can feel free to rip this off if you wish, no charges will be held): put on a Hillsong's track, wallow & cry for awhile, dry yourself up, read the Bible, pray (or write in a prayer journal), submit to Him and have some ice cream :)

Somehow, everything feels a little brighter and better after prayer. There is peace that transcends the knowledge of mankind. And the ice cream doesn't hurt either (:

A more positive note! :)

I miss everyone :( I really do.

A gentle reminder

Dancing Queen

The broken clock is a comfort,
it helps me sleep tonight

I can now safely write with the peaceful knowledge that my last macro assignment is finally complete; signed, sealed & delivered. It is with all honesty completely beyond me how, again, I have managed to finish this relatively on time considering this one was more last minute than the rest.

Mmm truly a testament to His unwavering faithfulness :) Thank you, thank You ever so much.

So! Lots&lots has transpired over mid-term break! It started off with a bang coming back from LTC retreat & it definitely ended with a grandslamkabam :) This was probably the most eventful (read:expensive) break as well, one ceaseless fun activity after the other. Definitely zero regrets, despite the somewhat shallow(er) pocket & niggling guilt-trip conscience.

I'm tempted to withdraw into routine & dish out another "too many things has happened for me to remember" excuse, but I think I'll take the road less traveled (this time at least) & briefly recap the blissful twoweek break! Personally I believe it pays to have the more significant memories written down, if ever I choose to revisit this point of time in my life, I know it'll all be right here collecting virtual dustbunnies.

Note: very long wordy update ahead, proceed at own risk. :)

First week of break could probably be summed up as slightly uneventful, up till Friday at least. Highlight of the week was probably ticking marketing assignment off our imaginary checklist & dinner with V on Tuesday :) Heart-to-heart's & crema ice-cream is a combination you can never go wrong with.

Friday was when the real term break began! H chose to grace me with her Adelaide presence with lunch & Brunetti's after. I hadn't realize how much I missed having an old high school friend around to chat about random nonsense intermixed with ACTUAL relevant updates. (Ditto when V popped by from Brisbane) Cheers babes, we make good teams :) Maybe next round I'll fly up to Adelaide or Goldcoast!

The weekend + Monday was time well spent up(or down?) in Torquay, our very own resident choice for cell retreats. Although this was an entirely different experience altogether! The whole 3 days were saturated with laughter, very yummy food, Charles the chauffeur, lazy 1,2,3, murderer(s), pokerface, Heart attack & speed, fast&slow captains ball, mangoman, special taboo dances with special effects squeak rhythms, dora the explorer and HEAPS of memories that will last me a lifetime :)

I probably just mentioned a whole chunk of information not many will understand; still, veryvery precious moments indeed!

Tuesday was picnic & quality time with A & D :) ah i love them, super adore hanging around them as a couple. I'm like the most comfortable third-wheel ever! Once the sun disappeared, I met D & M for our long-awaited jazz bar excursion (lol). Unfortunately like many of life's ironic moments, we ended up detouring from our original destination (not by choice though) and landed in LaLaland, literally.

Despite the empty atmosphere, I reckon the combination of not-so-bad music, good drinks & more importantly a skipthedrybits girl talk made it a perfect night :) So much so that we ended up walking the streets at 1.20am. Thanks girlies for walking me back :) Still as paranoid as ever, sigh. Chronic disease.

Thursday (this is exciting!) was SURFING. After much deliberation & plans changing and heaps of help from DD, we finally made it up to Torquay to surf! It wasn't so much the actual experience of surfing though that made it fun, because I barely spent much time on the board itself, let alone attempting to stand on it -.-, but rather the company that made the whole trip, tiring as it was, so worth while :)

NB: I want the girl to ask me to marry her! (or something along the lines of that)
Girls: *flow of indignant responses* Are you serious?
NB: Nolah, I paiseh if she has to get down on her knees and beg.

Well way too much was shared in the car trips up and down. This is definitely something I won't be forgetting for a long while :) I'm already looking forward to next year's trip in summer! Should be heaps better with warmer sun.

All in all twas a very good break indeed :) thank You God, because You never disappoint.

A brand new season

My hiding place,
my safe refuge.

ksmimages.blogspot.com

:)

Change my heart

Let your Spirit come in Power,
change my life

A random moment of ____. I wasn't sure of an articulate objective to finish the phrase; rather than focus on my lack of vocabulary knowledge, think of it as an open ended sentence where you're free to make the sentence whatever you want it to be :)

That hardly made sense, but I'm going to amuse myself & give myself the benefit of the doubt :) Because i quite like me. Yes.

Cliche's are overused for a reason; because most of the time they prove to be true. To say that LTC '09 was (brace yourselves, here it comes) a day/night to remember is an understatement. I have seen, heard, felt, touched, and grown the past 5 Saturday's/Sunday more than I ever have since coming to Melbourne.

What a way to begin mid-term break eh? :)

Don't get me wrong, I have experienced plenty since stepping foot here. But it's the intangible things that I have come to learn and embrace the past 5 weeks.

Awhile back I wrote about change; well change is here. :)

Keeping to true fashion, I will not disclose the events or experiences that happened throughout my journey in LTC & retreat. Something as precious as the memories I have had the absolute pleasure & privilege of having should definitely be explained over a cuppa ice chocolate & some cheesecake; preferably in a cosy setting where we could be expected to remain there for hours on end, talking till daylight breaks.

I am plenty excited for the journey ahead; for all of us as a new generation that has been destined to rise up & serve. Can you feel it?

Change.

The Bad Fish Paradigm

tear down the walls, see the world
is there something we have missed

Because I heart all things sticky & note-y. :)

&& anything drenched in maple syrup + ice cream <3>

Hope is rising

I don't need to
see it to believe it.

Do you hear it?
The gentle murmurs of the wind intertwined with aggressive raindrops. That's the perfectly orchestrated symphony of Mother Nature's ballad; sweet bliss melody to my ears (when I'm indoors & not caught in the middle of a torrential downpour that is).

Sitting below dim lights with a belly full of maggie & MSG soup, I must confess it's a little unnerving, this foreign feeling of content. Yet at the same time it's like an old friend, returned from a long journey here to embrace you. What an interesting mesh :) Not that I'm complaining; content is welcomed to stay for as long as he/she wants.

On the other hand, I may have spoken too soon. Takes very little to drive content packing & squealing away on fire proofed tyre's. I hope you come back soon please.

Rough as some things may be, I think He has been unwaveringly faithful & forgiving :) I've enjoyed mum's stay here despite it being short; have had sheer bliss playing around with Sundance (I've decided to name my EOS 1000D, I really think it's so much more than just an object).

I can still hear the power of last Sunday's message resonating in the spheres of my (sub)conscious. I'm looking forward to Jimmy Mutebi's message this Sunday, should be quite an explosion :) Fasting has been quite a challenge, but I believe the rewards reaped will be even greater.

For now, I'm tucking my thoughts in the attic of my mind; cleaning away the cobwebs as I go. Sifting through unnecessary filth & tidying the spaces in my head; making room for a clean & healthier slate. Then only will I place my 'Vacant' neon sign, lit nice & bright for the world to see, that I'm ready .

&& four nerds from Pasadena California have captured my mind & heart :)

would you like to sit awhile with me?

It's your love

You are the First & the Last,
Beginning & the End.

Most of the time Sometimes, I think we could all do with a little hiatus. Break away from the expectations wearing us down; find solitude in the places we never have time for anymore. If only to reignite the passion that once flamed so brightly within us.

It's so easy to lose perspective in this generation. To gain it back, is a steep incline that seems never ending. If I could, I'd run away here;

freeze time; exhale. return.

The clock slowly but surely will move forward, so will life. Ah well, worth a shot :)

So could I buddy.

Moderation

they'd find out
there's so much more to me.

whatever happens, don't lose focus.

Can't, won't move

same power that conquered the grave
lives in me.

I'm starting to find immense joy in filling the pages of my purple leather-bound journal from N. :) For the most part, everything has been answered, how incredible is that? If only I had done this sooner.

It's really something else to see someone so genuinely ecstatic; their face is illuminated with this instantaneous glow & their mouth is split wide open, teeth bared. (not as bad as you picture it to be i assure you). It is such a nice feeling because I think to myself, so that's what happiness looks like. :) or joy.

If everyone made it their mission in life to make another feel the same joy they've felt, I think it would be a small glimpse of heaven on earth. Wishful thinking. Well, difference begins with an individual. I think I might make it my aim/goal this semester to make the people around me feel the same happiness I've once felt. :)

In saying that, one of the small pleasures I delight in is washing up routines with my sister. :) nothing significant in any sense, but since when did happiness have to be reasoned? No, this, just like many of life's little unnoticed joys, makes me feel happy. :)

It all started with the Big Bang

Dance dance dance
in the freedom we know.

I must confess that it has been quite a liberating day week. I've had some of the best heart-to-heart's in a long time; playfully chastened by the boundaries that once held us captive have finally been released. The sensation is close to unexplainable; either way, cheers to P, T, M, D & D! :) trust me, I believe the conversations are being steered in an even better direction!

Revelation! Can't believe it has taken me this long to figure it out. Prayer isn't confined to the words that sluggishly pour out of our mouths the 30 seconds before we drift into peaceful slumber, or the hastened spiel of sentences strung together right before an exam. It's different for every individual, crafted uniquely to fit your lifestyle. It took me awhile, but I reckon I've finally figured out what it is :) Fingers crossed i'll be able to keep it up!

To be honest, it's been a long while since I've felt that feeling of peace once words were penned onto page. I've got a good feeling about this one folks :)

Another (smaller, albeit just as important) revelation, is i think i'm finally able to let go of the image the world is pressing me to be. Because someday I hope you'll realize it too, that you are never going to be able to achieve that. So instead, I'm going to be who I was created to be; beautifully flawed, perfect down to the last love handle and slightly mishapened toe :) I've got convictions, and I stand by them regardless of the social consequences.

Because I've realized that I could be plenty happier if I stopped trying to please everyone and focus on the things I'd much rather devote my time, love & effort to. Hey, that's my prerogative :)

So much exciting things to look forward to come the mid-sem break! Eager anticipation is getting the better of me; hopefully things go as planned & we'll rock those 14 days :)

Okay & EPL has officially robbed me of my msn companions. Sigh, waiting for D to download BBT for me so I can have my own version of an EPL marathon. Endless gratification I can tell you now.

On a side note:

Dear N, hope your stay in Canada will be plenty eventful & exciting! :) just remember not to drink something if you've don't know where its been okay. Always a handy tip. I miss you already, can't wait till we next crash your pad and have you bring us around the great white north :) xx

because we're cool like that.

&& also, I've got family nostalgia. ):

<3

There's gotta be more to life

If you could only see,
& hear the words I say.

I am winter personified.

I am black and white, and every shade of grey in between.

I am sleep magnified a hundred times over, blissful oblivion and orbiting dreams.

I am the ball of bright, burning energy floating outside the stratosphere, lingering in vacuum, mindlessly ignorant.

I am fear, shielded by an invisible cloak, hidden beneath a rock, buried deep within the earth’s core.

I am the Judge Judy of my mind, harsh and unforgiving.

I am best served cold, with a tinge of malice satisfaction on the side.

I am the cheesy television sitcom on a rainy Sunday afternoon, with a hundred infomercials in between.

I am the beanbag indoors on a perfect balmy autumn’s day when the whole world is out relishing in Nature’s odd perfection.

I am a greasy pizza with extra toppings served piping hot to a Biggest Loser contestant.

I am a torch scarlet inflamed, meant to shine on the highest hill of the tallest mountain.

It's somewhat gratifying knowing that (possibly) the world now knows you inside out. So much for keeping secrets :)

because if we could, we'd go back to the way things used to be.

Yahweh

He shall reign,
forever.

If I had a little sister or brother, here's what I would tell them:

"Kid, one day, you are going to rock this planet. While you're experiencing growth spurts & hormonal imbalances & other physical attributes that meet the eye, your mind is going to take you on a journey far beyond the expectations of the world, surpassing what others can see. Your heart is going to be filled with dreams so big, you'll feel inadequate to contain all of it."

"But here's a secret: He is the key to making all of your wildest dreams come true. Keep the treasure map He has designed for you close to your heart; follow in the footsteps of the path leading to your destiny, & always keep your eye out on the horizon, where the sea meets the sky, & where paradise awaits."

"Because kid, once you've shaken this world, you would want to return home."

I've always wondered if I was living life to my utmost potential, although deep down I already know the answer.

I'd hop on the cheapest flight that would take me straight to the volunteers of the Gratitude Cafe Tour & spread some love around. I'd grab some close friends and we would backpack around central America where I would approach random strangers and have them take a picture with me, because why not?

I would go for a missions trip somewhere in Africa or China. Learn to surf and kick ass in it in Bali. Spend some time working overseas, purely for the experience of striving to live on my own (two feet). Spend half a semester on exchange somewhere outside of Australia. Take a photography course & travel to South America to snap away at their breathtaking architecture.

In an ideal world, I would accomplish all that. But for now, I'd let these dreams fester within the confines of my mind, until the doors are opened for me, & until I convince myself that I can actually do all of it. A superb heart-to-heart talk with D on friday made me realize that we really only can take in as much as we give. So for now, I am letting go of expectations of people, and learning instead not to expect anything in return.

To bless, just for the sake of blessing, & nothing more

.Because I'll always have your back.

Find me, keep me.

she is a wave and she's breaking
she's a problem to solve.

Habit's are a funny thing. Most of the time, past 12am, is where I find my solace in blogging. Not to say that inspiration strikes past midnight, but there's just a very quiet sense of peace that makes me want to pair emotions with words.

Sitting here in the stillness with silence so loud, I can finally slowly piece the puzzle together to form the mosaic in my mind. Sure I filter thoughts, we all do/must, but for the most part, I try to immortalize the random jumble in my head because those that are important enough to me to be remembered and written down, well, I want to be constantly reminded of what it is.

I distinctly recall a post I wrote two years back, possibly. My 17-year old self sprouting words of wisdom about how people always change, & how it is impossible to please everyone.

Two years later, I'm still learning the very same lesson I failed to teach myself back then. I guess it's hard for me to let go; to let change in. But honestly, I am tired of being a crowd pleaser. People change, it's inevitable. I, have changed.

So here's to farewell to being a people pleaser; I want to focus on my audience of One. Truth to be told, some friendships are going to be lost on the way, I can already feel it happening: change.

But the ones that stick around past the debris and the war; well, I'd say I'd count myself the luckiest person to have just the one. I know I'm the furthest thing from popular, I'm not social, I'm an introvert and for the most part, I go unnoticed. But for just a moment, seeing things through His eyes, all I see is my family, the few close friends I have both here and back home, and Him: the ones who truly matter.

I am so very blessed. :)

I'll stand by you

throw it away, forget yesterday
we'll make the great escape

I sincerely believe that there is a time & season for everything; God and His divine inexplicable timing often don't coincide with the arrangements we plan ourselves, but when they do, it takes your breath away.

This mini trip was one of those times. Although I wasn't physically or mentally struggling with anything, somehow I felt like I needed to get away from the high-rise buildings, congestion & lack of greenery of the city & escape somewhere quiet. In the outskirts of the suburbs area where your thoughts are free to escape the confines of your mind & roam the lush green forest, or when you feel your every knot & tension just slip away when you stand, very quietly, in the middle of the dark & star gaze at the vast velvet sky.

So I thank you God, for blessing me with amazing friends, for keeping me & my family safe; & most of all because even when we struggle to comprehend it, your timing is always perfect.

A quick synopsis of our great escape:

A drove us down to her place in Ringwood, gorgeous secluded area, plenty of trees, hidden away from the bustling streets. You would never run out of oxygen there! Took a long drive out to scout for V's place, overshot our mark, retraced & surprised her at her place. Had a mini photoshoot outback in the garden & played Wii fit! I hope i lost some weight, heh. :) good fun though!

Joined her lovely family for yummy pizzas. Did you know you could have desserts on a pizza? :) If you didn't make sure you try! Spent the night curled up on the couch watching the season finale of Greys, Dan in real life & Beauty & the Beast! Oh was so swept away by the lyrics in the songs (now that I'm actually old enough to understand the words).

Next morning woke up, had breakfast then took a short drive up to a scenic place, something beginning with a W but i can't place the name. Short term memory -.- Anyway had a nice long walk and then A drove me back up to the city.

A short but nonetheless much needed get away, I feel very much refreshed now :)

(: <3

The same deep water as you

lost & insecure,
you found me.

Walking amidst a sea of faceless pedestrians, there is a dull thudding at the back of my head. I could paint the features of the strangers around me in my dreams, yet I recognized not one soul. There is a velvet cloak shielding the sun; ominous bank of dark clouds greeted the eye.

There is a boy yielding a gun. Misfit or misunderstood?
There is a kleptomaniac who owns five estates. Living or lacking?
There is an anorexic, there is an obese. There is a beggar, there is an entrepreneur. There is death, there is life.

Could you change something if you had the chance? I'd like to entertain the thought that is, more importantly, would you?

Some people don't change, but i think it's not that they can't, but rather they wont. You could know a person your entire life, & not know them at all. Love is not love if there are conditions.

Yes, I could paint the features of the people around me in my dreams, but not recognize a single soul.

the wind that blew my heart away

you're so sweet, & you're so smart
you're such a good friend i have to break your heart

they say you should never sell yourself short.

"I'm not that kind of guy. And I don't want to be. So maybe the elite girls just aren't for me. But some day I'm gonna meet a girl, who will really love me. Maybe she won't be what you call hot, but to me she'll be beautiful, & I'll tell her so. I don't want to be mean to her, or have to play games with her. I'll just be the guy she can always count on, & that'll be enough. She'll be elite..to me." -M.M.

Because maybe I just needed another fabrication to tell me that despite what everyone thinks, I believe the world still holds some truth, & just maybe not everything is as bleak as it seems.

"The truth is, there is nothing to be afraid of. It's just life." E.S.

Its.
Just.
Life.
:)

oh weary soul

the heaven's shall declare
the glory of, our Great God

I've probably conjured up one too many posts in my head, about MJ's death, about results, about winter, about mum's trip here, about falling sick. I've had so much I wanted to say, in this tiny space, with the words I would weave to form a story.

But honestly I'm tired. Not just physically and that the flu meds are probably kicking in, but tired of, just settling. Sometimes I wish things were different; I wish I had stepped out of my self-moulded contented shell and grabbed a slice of the world when I could. I still can, then I would wish I had the guts & integrity to do so.

I spend half of my life, literally, wishing for thing's I dont have.

Here, at 12.38am, I'm writing about what matters to me. We only get one shot at this, at life. No do-overs, no summer school; just the years you have to live, & the memories you have to create. George Bernard Shaw once wrote that the two greatest tragedies in life is this: one is to lose your heart's desire, & the other is to gain it.

I want to experience those two greatest tragedies, because it's the only way you'll know you've really lived. Whitey Durham's to do list consisted of this:

Coach basketball for 20 years
Win 500 games
Make a difference.

That's what I want out of life, to know that I've made a difference, however small & insignificant. Things like good grades, important social stature, friends & having a social life, I know, at the end of the day will prevail. But I thank God for placing that still small voice in my heart that every now& then, will yearn for something beyond the physical needs of man, beyond what is physically pleasing to the eye.

The greatest pleasure you will ever know, is knowing that your existence has made a difference in someone else's life.

When spring comes and everything is reborned, so will I. I will strive to be a better friend, a better daughter, a better sister, a better child of God. I will live for the things that matter most; I will reach for the things that will help me make a difference.

No more settling, change is coming.

crunching gravel

she wears short skirts, i wear T-shirts
she's cheer captain & im on the bleachers

cryptic:
He stole her heart in shades of blue; cradled it in the center, caressed it with his gentle smile. He weaved his tender web of desire around her, encapsulating the rhythm of a pulsating beat beneath weakened flesh. He escapes & leaves her to rest, before returning again, motions reversed, history repeats.

She stays with locked fists in his web, yearning. His fleeing shadow froze time, she waits patiently. Then his fist clenched, crippling the soul on his dejected palm. She blinks, and then everything faded to black.

***

despite the cold that invaded my feet and traveled all the way to my now half-frozen toes, there could not have been a warmer feeling than coffee ministry tonight :) somehow i feel describing the details in words does the actual feeling poor justice so i shall just leave it at this, & thank you God :)

i know you don't read this, but thank you for raising me to be the person i am today. thank you for being there 19 years of my life, tall&proud, and that i have the privilege of calling you my father. you (&mum) are the reason why i am pushing through uni, striving to do my best, because you give me inspiration to develop my inner potential to become a better person. You deserve the best, & i promise to work hard so that i too can make you proud.

Happy Father's day daddy.

SO EXAMS ARE oh vee ee are :) mummy is here! so it's goodbye stress & hello discounted stores. I'm excited for winter, & i refuse to let the bone-chilling cold ruin it! AND THE RIDICULOUS SWINE FLU, please. its not even worth it.

on a random note, i am suddenly feeling extremely thankful for supportive friends, those who you know you can count on regardless of the circumstances; those who forgive you & love you despite your flaws, who send you encouraging text's during hair-pulling moments, and those who pick you up when you fall.

thank you friends :) you know who you are. (PLEASE YOU MUST OKAY).

okay, its 1.12am & there is shopping that needs to be done tomorrow so rest calls :) <3

i see your true colours

five, six
pick up sticks

er, hi.

so progress thus far;

microeconomics-major epic flabbergasted mojojojo fail.
quantitative methods-GG.
accounting-er, bad.

social life-nil.

current condition in Melbourne: swine flu capital

i think im doing all right. i dont like it when im this sarcastic though. everyday that dream of exchange just slips that much further out of reach.

rainbow amindst the storm

if she wanna rock she rocks
if she wanna roll she rolls

Dear G,

It's overused phrases like 'I love you' that diminishes the impact of three powerful words, eight significant letters. Those words breathe into every corner, tucked up into the tiny fragments of your life. I know it doesn't seem sincere, but for what it's worth, I love you. :)

The words that aren't said enough, I believe, are "I'm sorry" & "I forgive you". Instead, they simmer low and undetected beneath the surface; hibernating in the weak flesh, an untold secret from our perverse and deprived generation. I know you already know this, but I'm sorry. I can't say I forgive you because there's nothing to forgive.

I wanted to type up more poetic stuff but somehow my brain is lodged, instead floating to the surface is microeconomics theories & QM formulas which I will spare you the agony of having to read them (if i did write them out here that is). But I know you understand, you always do :)

So I hope to talk to you soon, in fact i think i will. :) till then, i'll catch you next time G. x

<3 always,
sumei

passerby's

fall overboard

sumei says:
ohoh wait i wanna ask you something
ali smile, laugh, love... says:
lol
sumei says:
do
sumei says:
you
ali smile, laugh, love... says:
mmhmm
sumei says:
want
ali smile, laugh, love... says:
yes, i would loved to marry u
ali smile, laugh, love... says:
:)

because this just made me smile all night (:

My name was Kelsey Briggs

in the arms of an angel
may you find some comfort here

//Edit

To whom it may concern:

Life is more than a concealed designer package filled with brands, expensive booze & redundant gossip.

Prayer on Friday was powerful; so im concluding a chapter of my life closed as sem 1 draws to an end.

also, im pretty convinced that life is very much unlike a box of chocolates.

I'm no superman

Alpha and Omega, Beginning and the End
I will bow

My Jesus is able, to calm the seas when they rage
My God is the answer
In my weakness, He reigns.

& there you have it, the only answer you'll ever need; the only answer that truly matters.

because every now & then, somehow as my sight deteriorates, everything falls into perspective.

*you know you've got exam fever when you spend 5&ahalf hours in the library -.-

so what?

there is nothing, You cant do
oh Lord, my eyes are on You,
be magnified.

Tjon Jeim said:
you're a go getter aren't you

Tjon Jeim said:
you want more in life and all that

Tjon Jeim said:
life can't be simple for a complex multi cellular organism such as yourself

Tjon Jeim said:
;p

i always thought it was pretty black & white; but now im not so sure anymore. change is a funny thing (:

all i can say is, when you feel strongly about something, go for it; you've got nothing to lose, and everything to gain.

I AM A ROCKSTAR :)

rock and roll

with all the strength of a raging fire
mysterious as the dark side of the moon

i have new found appreciation for Disney lyrics, honestly. my weekend consisted of not much needed sleep intermixed with sorely missed classic Disney tales, i.e. Aladdin, Mulan & Hercules. Oh unadulterated bliss & joy :) thanks daph!

despite not having touch (literally) any lecture materials or uni work, i wouldn't say this week was a complete bust. I've really enjoyed my dose of much needed ketchups with various people :) as much as i would love to do this every week, i cant.

I'm starting to feel the weight of exams; the little me in my head prompting me to start getting my act together. ive been thinking alot about uni recently, and where im headed. Goals, opportunities, decisions. I know its only first sem of my first year, but i feel like i need to start mapping out my future to know that im not completely off course and directionless.

im really entertaining the idea of going for exchange next year. How mind blowingly brilliant would it be if i could exchange to canada for instance? (: NIQUE! i could go to Queens for an entire year! or at the very least a semester. (sadly melbourne uni doesnt do exchange with england ):)

oh the doors and opportunities that could be avalaible to me is astounding :) i know it's incredibly difficult and the application process is tedious; above all its necessary to maintain a H2B and get a certain amount of credit points. but oh i am so willing to put myself out there & give it my all in exchange for this experience :) game on!

on a lighter note, im loving eric hutchinson (: adore his music. I'm anticipating the well deserved winter break to be awesome! mummy's arrival, roadtrip with vicky & alice and our quest to find me a 'BEN', nique & jacq's arrival and soso much more. can't wait :)

one last savour of the lion king, a good night's sleep, and then im hitting the library. xx

magnanimous

waltz to the rhythm
sway to the beat

Decisions as tough as they may be, or as clear as they may be, should always be, i believe, for yourself. For anyone else, it would end up in dissatisfaction. So do well for yourself. Cause at the end of the day, you're the only one that truly gives a shit. Followers never end first.
Lim Dominique Jo.

my uni life in black & white. :) genius. x thanks nique.
2morefreakinmonths!

Footprints in the sand

we will run,
altogether our heart's aflame

flash, the earth crumbles beneath our sinking bodies
dust and moths remain, void of hope
vanity disappears with the flesh,
the light ascends in the horizon, blinding;
saving grace touches our perverse generation
igniting a scorching scarlet flame
that, my friend, is hope.

we have exams in uni? holy pooh on toast.

ask, and you shall receive (: amen.

solitaire of may

im sitting on a tight rope, peering down
when the world is asleep, i lie awake

i need to get out of the house and make human contact with someone other my sister. I need, sun.

When you're striving this hard to achieve something that is completely out of your control, it can really consume you :/

why is it that all i want to see is that ridiculous H1?

after all it's just a meaningless grade.

this is what uni does to you. i should have dropped out and just gone to hair school.

faith restored

create in me a new heart
renew a right spirit within me

elliot harmand mooney. thank you. :')

there's nothing more important, than family.

uni is so draining. one half months to go.