this is the story of a girl

She stood staring out at sea; watched in slight awe and trembled at the force of the crashing waves upon the rocks below her. Her sight reverted to the sharp jagged edges that seemed to stretch further & further away from her, & instinctively her feet edged closer, as if vainly trying to close the gap between them.

images & colous flashed before her eyes.

she recognized herself; gawky & awkward, shoulders hunched in defeat as she trudged through life without really living it. slowly but surely, the once exuberant teeanger transformed herself into a reclusive private loner. Once close friends were now strangers; and once close families were now distant and unfamiliar.

Suddenly she was engulfed with a familiar sensation that left her breathless; she realized it was sadness. had she really known nothing all her life but this? was this where it would end?

Her head started to spin with memories that she had tried so hard to bury but were now resurfacing again. Her feet moved a couple of steps ahead.

Almost as quickly as the sadness came, it left; and was replaced with a different unfamiliar sensation: peace. serenity. the calm that settled over her body like a drape contrasted with the roaring waves below.

with a smile and a song in her heart, she murmered a prayer. with eyes closed and arms stretched to the sides, she stood on the top of the hill, at the highest peak; the perfect picture of Chirst on the cross. her heart sang with the joy of knowing that the pain ended here; that bad memories would be buried forever.

and then without further hesitation, almost as if she were floating, she glided her way forward and effortlessly threw herself off the edge. Just before she hit the waters, an image burned in her memory floated in front of her, clear as day.

the picture of a mom, a dad, & two little girls on the beach, smiling, happy.

if everyone cared

note: just so you know, this feeling's taking control of me, & i cant help it.

***Some anti-emo stuff to brighten the day : )

& she said "i love you meimeimeimeimei! (: im so proud of you! REMEMBER, im always here for you okay? and you can always send me emails! muacksmuacksmuacks. you are MINE MINE MINE MINE ( from the seagulls in finding nemo) HURHUR! (: "

& he said "ok, so, since things are cleared up, i hope you won't have anything from yourpast blocking you from moving forward..its time to fly, mei...its time. Gal 5:6"

& she said "Somehow i feel lonely when you cakap youre lonely :( Sayang, yknow im always here for you kan :( 24/7 bebeh! :D Oh yknow what, since our plan nak keluar macam tak jadi2 right -.- lets just have our dates at school : :P :D Hihi. Sounds quite weird, but heck :p I mean, i can teman you to the library, hang in canteen, few days a week, everyday, name it! Come on, i know you cant resist my offer ;D Tihiii. Id lovee to teman you. I miss you :( Then maybe we could create another song, oh we so just have tooo :D Hihihihih. "

& he said "i was wondering if u wanted to go on a cruise sometime like our two families. somewhere in the bahamas or the caribbean. somewhere hott :) tell me what u think yeah? talk to you soon! "


<3

future

note: none

& finally i understand what it feels like to be ridiculed, ignored, mocked and lonely. all i wish is for things to ease up, but it only gets harder.


this is probably called LIFE.

blessed

note: i can only imagine, what it will be like, when i walk by your side

today was special, because i discovered that i am a princess

today was delightful, because i shed those tears of joy

today was indifferent, because the world seemed better & brighter

today was memorable, because i was told somebody had died for me

and today was unforgettable, because my father took me in his arms and told me "i love you & i will never leave you."

the thing about rewards are...you cant receive them, before experiencing excrutiating turmoil & difficulties first. hang in there.

she held my hand, & we walked miles together <3

friends

note: Actions speak louder than words.

Mei & Nique '07

"Simply because when theres no words left to say, but thank you." love you long time.

invisible

note: you can take a road that'll get you to the stars; im taking a road that'll see me through.

i doubt people actually read my blog except for that someone down under. i appreciate it even if you are the only one : ) <333>

its Good Friday and as per usual there are just that many more things to rant, complain & bitch about. but instead ill give thanks for the good/bad things in my life. i think He deserves that much at least.

1. Family. A humourous dad who can find a silver lining in a snowstorm; a mom who has unlimited patience & a willing heart to buy me mcflurry when my craving arises; one sister who loves me flaws and all; two dogs who provide companian and endless fun and my maid who works tirelessly cleaning after my mess.
2. Friends. This one is tricky because recently ive been struggling veryvery hard with certain things in relation to this, but nonetheless i know i do have some out there who have stuck by me through thick & thin, you know who you are.
3. School. Despite countless of difficulties that have been thrown into my path, my health has managed to sustain enough to get me to where i am today. there is always improvement to be made, but im satisfied with the little i have acheieved today.
4. finally, God. someone who has seen the worst & best in me; giving the grace & mercy i needed; above all loving me just the way i am.

i just realized some things are alot easier said than done.

second chances

note: I'm hungry for you ; dont pass me by

this is going to be a slightly longer post because a couple of stuff happened over the weeked.

*saturday: watched Stomp The Yard with lynn. two thumbs & toes way up : ) superb. oh and i finally got to satisfy my craving for Waffle World. met up with adam anis baiti aishah & the rest later on. my day did not end well.

thus finally that very night i cracked while vainly trying to take my mind off things with sejarah notes ; yes what was i thinking. see this is where God sends friends in to rescue. muzzie called & we talked till it was about 12. thank you for lending me your ear <3

*sunday: new church, yay! i loveee it, the place is small, or 'cosy' as dad likes to call it, but its fresh & new, the start of a new beginning. i think my pastor was a wee bit high though because he kept forcing the congregation to laugh, i think he wanted the endorphins to rush to our heads and increase our lives for 3 more days (thats what he told us) call me sceptical but i didnt really buy it, it did however, cost me an aching jaw and a tummy ache. laughing is good (:

the fundamental core of this post however, is my personal struggle with my relationship with God. There were so many signs but i guess i was so determined at being ignorant, i failed to notice them. All this while ive been making excuses, when the truth is i have no excuses. its sad to see how much time ive wasted ; but i know He'll forgive. & all this time ive been wondering what was missing, when i had the answer there all along.

on a more personal note: im sorry Lord, im sorry for causing you all the pain & heartache. im sorry for being disobedient & ignorant. above all, im truly sorry i chose not to listen to you, and im sorry i made you sad. there are a million things i wish to apologize for, but you already know what they are. Forgive me, and please let this be MY new beginning..with you. I love you.

ive come to realize that the reason why God puts us through difficulties & pain, is so that every once in awhile, we would look to Him for help, and not just rely on our own strength. It is because He needs us, just as much as we need Him. It's because he wants to show us He loves us, and that He will carry us whenever we need Him to.