The Search for something More

we believe for, even greater
we believe for more

Since spring is near, I figured the old space could be spruced and swapped for a different look-a 'spring cleaning' if you will :) besides, sometimes I reckon fresh ideas and inspiration unwraps itself along with the presence of something new.

It's struck me recently how easy it is to get swept up in the tornado of events, serving, socializing, friends & family encircling you on a regular basis. How easy it is to get lost within that vortex of pandemonium that you suddenly find yourself losing focus & perspective.

Sometimes I find that I lose myself along the way too.

Then all of a sudden when the storm calms, and the disarrays settles, you're left with all these different sorts of fragments of a puzzle which you're frantically struggling to piece back together-hoping that in some way you could find the person you once were, and find your way back.

It's tiring though. & it's experiencing that isolated silent grief of losing yourself when you realize that, it's things like these that really rob you from claiming joy, peace & rest. and i never doubted for a second that this was not at all how You intended it to be.

Life-as challenging, difficult & bittersweet as it is- I still believe is worth striving through the pain, confusion & hurt; because knowing that you're actually here for a purpose, somehow protects the fire that's burning somewhere inside.

The hope, & the knowledge, that I'm here to make a difference.

Locked hearts & hand grenades

only You can make me whole
give me strength to make me grow

I sometimes wonder about those moments- life in all it's busyness, chaotic-frustration and disappointments that snares itself so frighteningly comfortable around us it becomes a second layer of who we are.

I wonder about those moments-you know, the one's where you're desperately scrolling through your itunes to find a song loud enough to drown the emptiness swelling within you. or sometimes how quietness is so loud i can feel it reverberating from my core.

That moment when I actually did step out for a run (okay fine, brisk walk/jog at best from my absolute fail lack-of-stamina) and my feet were pounding pavement, it felt exhilarating; somewhat akin to escapism though I know its naive to think i can literally 'run' from my troubles. nevertheless, it was my moment (to escape)-to feel that even if it was for only a minute, i could just run as fast and as hard as my feet would carry me.

and in that one minute, i could feel nothing, and everything at once.

beautiful :)

I wonder if i'm the only one who remembers moments like these, & then muse about them in retrospect haha :)

I'm thankful for a lot of things really. just recently i met a girl called Zina (okay this might be somewhat inaccurate) in one of my lectures. a vibrant and colorful character that totally made me smile :) and that's why i thank You for these random little blessings-because You know how they absolutely make my day.

You are forever mine

He will my shield and portion be
as long as life endures

One cries "I want God more than I need answers."

If a desperate heart is what it takes, then a desperate heart it shall be :)

Went for a picnic today, though somewhere along the lines the actual picnic was unraveling at the seams-so different to how i had envisioned it in my head (of all days today was MEGA windy -.-).

Yet somehow in the little nooks and crevasses of our conversations, we tucked ourselves away in the layers of our sharing. It was comforting to have a shoulder to lean on; but more than that, to see the immense growth, maturity & love of someone I've come to hold so dear to me, sends my heart into mini-palpitations of joy :)

Hey boy, I'm so extremely proud of you. :)

More importantly, He is absolutely beaming with joy!

MMMMMMM GOOD THINGS TO COME! :) can't wait for catch up week next week man. oh, & studies haha.

Hold my heart

I'll be by your side, whenever you fall
in the dead of night, whenever you call

When will i ever learn.

At this point, it just seems inevitable that history in all it's recurring futility is somehow doomed to repeat itself. If only divulging all my pocketbook secrets were as easy as heaving an exasperating sigh; swoosh in one swift motion, into the atmosphere & blending together with the rest of the world's untold stories.

Note to self: let's keep moving forward okay? Eyes ahead, shoulders back, & smile. Never look back.

I've got the weight of the world on my shoulders, but I've got the sun in my hand.

no body's perfect

in the quiet, in the stillness I know,
that you are God

It's only by delving deep enough into the OT that I suddenly realized, scattered throughout history were men & women of incredible faith, yet that didn't exclude them from experiencing anguish, pain & countless other woe-is-me moments.

As i sat cross legged on my bed and pored through the pages of the books, I'm infiltrated by sudden invasions of warmth that travel the length of my body. and then i realize, that i feel a strange sort of kinship with the different people in the bible.

i mean, granted most of them were written in a somewhat more dramatic fashion, but can relate lah you know.

sometimes i toy with the fringes of my imagination and wonder if my dreams were big enough, that they would take flight and soar, the enormity of it too much for my shell to contain. it would unfold in a kaleidoscope of colors and unfurl itself in clouds of smoke.

i'm beginning to enjoy my quiet nights in :)

It's a drag having to churn out titles

together we'll dance
to sepia tone hues

Ross: "Hey, do you guys know a Carl?"

Chandler: "Hm let's see..Alvin, Simon, Theodore...Nope, don't think so."

:)

it's the familiarity of dialogues and sounds that gently rocks me into peaceful slumber. in an alternate reality where dreams elude me, i sometimes discover that possibilities orbit all around me.

mm lovingly ensconced in my duvet has definitely ignited my penchant for snugness and warmth.

Get up on your feet and praise Him

i wonder what it's like,
to have you next to me

i never really quite know what to blog about anymore these days. words are no longer as candid as they used to be, and there always feels like there's a cloak of self-consciousness draped loosely around the frames of my writing. more often than not, words are backspaced and deleted from existence, then a brief cryptic coupla phrases are churned out simply to decorate the void.

i've hit a little more than a few bumps than i would have liked along this journey, but what a ride it's been :)

there's something potentially life-changing about learning to receive grace and embrace humility; & also pushing against the stream of hardhitting blows life tosses at you, if only to be rooted firmly in the joyful abundance of Him :)

i think im ready for the dry season to be over.

i think i'm ready to be inspired.