It's your love

You are the First & the Last,
Beginning & the End.

Most of the time Sometimes, I think we could all do with a little hiatus. Break away from the expectations wearing us down; find solitude in the places we never have time for anymore. If only to reignite the passion that once flamed so brightly within us.

It's so easy to lose perspective in this generation. To gain it back, is a steep incline that seems never ending. If I could, I'd run away here;

freeze time; exhale. return.

The clock slowly but surely will move forward, so will life. Ah well, worth a shot :)

So could I buddy.

Moderation

they'd find out
there's so much more to me.

whatever happens, don't lose focus.

Can't, won't move

same power that conquered the grave
lives in me.

I'm starting to find immense joy in filling the pages of my purple leather-bound journal from N. :) For the most part, everything has been answered, how incredible is that? If only I had done this sooner.

It's really something else to see someone so genuinely ecstatic; their face is illuminated with this instantaneous glow & their mouth is split wide open, teeth bared. (not as bad as you picture it to be i assure you). It is such a nice feeling because I think to myself, so that's what happiness looks like. :) or joy.

If everyone made it their mission in life to make another feel the same joy they've felt, I think it would be a small glimpse of heaven on earth. Wishful thinking. Well, difference begins with an individual. I think I might make it my aim/goal this semester to make the people around me feel the same happiness I've once felt. :)

In saying that, one of the small pleasures I delight in is washing up routines with my sister. :) nothing significant in any sense, but since when did happiness have to be reasoned? No, this, just like many of life's little unnoticed joys, makes me feel happy. :)

It all started with the Big Bang

Dance dance dance
in the freedom we know.

I must confess that it has been quite a liberating day week. I've had some of the best heart-to-heart's in a long time; playfully chastened by the boundaries that once held us captive have finally been released. The sensation is close to unexplainable; either way, cheers to P, T, M, D & D! :) trust me, I believe the conversations are being steered in an even better direction!

Revelation! Can't believe it has taken me this long to figure it out. Prayer isn't confined to the words that sluggishly pour out of our mouths the 30 seconds before we drift into peaceful slumber, or the hastened spiel of sentences strung together right before an exam. It's different for every individual, crafted uniquely to fit your lifestyle. It took me awhile, but I reckon I've finally figured out what it is :) Fingers crossed i'll be able to keep it up!

To be honest, it's been a long while since I've felt that feeling of peace once words were penned onto page. I've got a good feeling about this one folks :)

Another (smaller, albeit just as important) revelation, is i think i'm finally able to let go of the image the world is pressing me to be. Because someday I hope you'll realize it too, that you are never going to be able to achieve that. So instead, I'm going to be who I was created to be; beautifully flawed, perfect down to the last love handle and slightly mishapened toe :) I've got convictions, and I stand by them regardless of the social consequences.

Because I've realized that I could be plenty happier if I stopped trying to please everyone and focus on the things I'd much rather devote my time, love & effort to. Hey, that's my prerogative :)

So much exciting things to look forward to come the mid-sem break! Eager anticipation is getting the better of me; hopefully things go as planned & we'll rock those 14 days :)

Okay & EPL has officially robbed me of my msn companions. Sigh, waiting for D to download BBT for me so I can have my own version of an EPL marathon. Endless gratification I can tell you now.

On a side note:

Dear N, hope your stay in Canada will be plenty eventful & exciting! :) just remember not to drink something if you've don't know where its been okay. Always a handy tip. I miss you already, can't wait till we next crash your pad and have you bring us around the great white north :) xx

because we're cool like that.

&& also, I've got family nostalgia. ):

<3

There's gotta be more to life

If you could only see,
& hear the words I say.

I am winter personified.

I am black and white, and every shade of grey in between.

I am sleep magnified a hundred times over, blissful oblivion and orbiting dreams.

I am the ball of bright, burning energy floating outside the stratosphere, lingering in vacuum, mindlessly ignorant.

I am fear, shielded by an invisible cloak, hidden beneath a rock, buried deep within the earth’s core.

I am the Judge Judy of my mind, harsh and unforgiving.

I am best served cold, with a tinge of malice satisfaction on the side.

I am the cheesy television sitcom on a rainy Sunday afternoon, with a hundred infomercials in between.

I am the beanbag indoors on a perfect balmy autumn’s day when the whole world is out relishing in Nature’s odd perfection.

I am a greasy pizza with extra toppings served piping hot to a Biggest Loser contestant.

I am a torch scarlet inflamed, meant to shine on the highest hill of the tallest mountain.

It's somewhat gratifying knowing that (possibly) the world now knows you inside out. So much for keeping secrets :)

because if we could, we'd go back to the way things used to be.

Yahweh

He shall reign,
forever.

If I had a little sister or brother, here's what I would tell them:

"Kid, one day, you are going to rock this planet. While you're experiencing growth spurts & hormonal imbalances & other physical attributes that meet the eye, your mind is going to take you on a journey far beyond the expectations of the world, surpassing what others can see. Your heart is going to be filled with dreams so big, you'll feel inadequate to contain all of it."

"But here's a secret: He is the key to making all of your wildest dreams come true. Keep the treasure map He has designed for you close to your heart; follow in the footsteps of the path leading to your destiny, & always keep your eye out on the horizon, where the sea meets the sky, & where paradise awaits."

"Because kid, once you've shaken this world, you would want to return home."

I've always wondered if I was living life to my utmost potential, although deep down I already know the answer.

I'd hop on the cheapest flight that would take me straight to the volunteers of the Gratitude Cafe Tour & spread some love around. I'd grab some close friends and we would backpack around central America where I would approach random strangers and have them take a picture with me, because why not?

I would go for a missions trip somewhere in Africa or China. Learn to surf and kick ass in it in Bali. Spend some time working overseas, purely for the experience of striving to live on my own (two feet). Spend half a semester on exchange somewhere outside of Australia. Take a photography course & travel to South America to snap away at their breathtaking architecture.

In an ideal world, I would accomplish all that. But for now, I'd let these dreams fester within the confines of my mind, until the doors are opened for me, & until I convince myself that I can actually do all of it. A superb heart-to-heart talk with D on friday made me realize that we really only can take in as much as we give. So for now, I am letting go of expectations of people, and learning instead not to expect anything in return.

To bless, just for the sake of blessing, & nothing more

.Because I'll always have your back.

Find me, keep me.

she is a wave and she's breaking
she's a problem to solve.

Habit's are a funny thing. Most of the time, past 12am, is where I find my solace in blogging. Not to say that inspiration strikes past midnight, but there's just a very quiet sense of peace that makes me want to pair emotions with words.

Sitting here in the stillness with silence so loud, I can finally slowly piece the puzzle together to form the mosaic in my mind. Sure I filter thoughts, we all do/must, but for the most part, I try to immortalize the random jumble in my head because those that are important enough to me to be remembered and written down, well, I want to be constantly reminded of what it is.

I distinctly recall a post I wrote two years back, possibly. My 17-year old self sprouting words of wisdom about how people always change, & how it is impossible to please everyone.

Two years later, I'm still learning the very same lesson I failed to teach myself back then. I guess it's hard for me to let go; to let change in. But honestly, I am tired of being a crowd pleaser. People change, it's inevitable. I, have changed.

So here's to farewell to being a people pleaser; I want to focus on my audience of One. Truth to be told, some friendships are going to be lost on the way, I can already feel it happening: change.

But the ones that stick around past the debris and the war; well, I'd say I'd count myself the luckiest person to have just the one. I know I'm the furthest thing from popular, I'm not social, I'm an introvert and for the most part, I go unnoticed. But for just a moment, seeing things through His eyes, all I see is my family, the few close friends I have both here and back home, and Him: the ones who truly matter.

I am so very blessed. :)