Another perfect day

no need to worry about everything i've done

live every second like it was your last one.

i find it extremely ironic how despite the fact that the major exam is over, im finding it harder to breathe and cope with everything that's going on more than ever now. i feel that im running out of time, im afraid of not having enough time with my family & friends.

im afraid that i would not be able to create enough memories to last me over the year i will be away; it scares me that i have to move out of my comfort zone and venture into the unknown without my friends to hold my hand.

i would be lying if i said the year 2007 passed in the blink of an eye, because truth to be told, it didn't. there were times that were so painstakingly long(mostly during history, i think) that you wished time would go by faster. however, personally when i reflect back on the year, fortunately all i remember are the beautiful times i spent with my family and friends. these are the moments that just escape by you so quickly you wish you could grab on to them.

but you can't.

as cliched as it is to write a reflective post on new years eve, it's what i want to do. the past year was undoubtedly filled with all kinds of struggles you could ever imagine. but what's important is that i got through it.

i've learnt that in the course of my 17-year-old life, it is possible to find true friends. people are so quick to judge others by the way they dress, or the way they speak. i've learnt that some people are just misunderstood, and if given the chance, they could be the best thing that's ever happen to you.

there were also unhappy moments and times of grief that struck my family. it was a rough time for all of us, and at times now, it still is. but i believe God would not put us through something we aren't capable of getting out of. and i believe that this experience has really brought my family alot closer :) so don't feel sorry for what happened to my family, because i think it's one of the greatest blessings in disguise.

so, after all the drivel i've typed out, i hoped you haven't left the page yet. or you'd probably have just skipped right to the bottom to where the pictures are :)

i know i've missed out on alot of pictures on the event's that has happened thus far after the exams. but im happy to say i have wonderful hardworking friends who complete the job for me :) here are just some random pictures.

i miss you already :( hurry home soon.

B.T.S.M :)

hang&belle.

only she makes em this good ;)

starbucks buddies <3

my retarded buddy. :D

i realize i still have alot to catch up on. but im not too worried about it. are you? :)

A little less sixteen candles

Happy Birthday Manjuli Madi :)

oh truly no words can express the awesome-ness of times ive had with you in these past couple of months. :) you're a true gem, and you're going to be one of the people i cannot bear to leave. i love you, and thank you for the wonderful memories you've given me.

ALL MY LOVE.

SOS

there's a song that's inside, of my soul

it's the one that i've tried to write over & over again.

well it's been awhile :) honestly despite the seemingly enormous amount of time i was away from my blog, let's call it a hiatus, there hasn't been much that's been happening.

okay i lied. there has been alot.

but to put it to words is just simply too exhausting. frankly i dont really remember half of them. (: what i do remember is falling ridiculously sick, lying in bed wishing someone would shoot me. but for those of you who were concern to call and msg, thank yous to you, it really made my day. no, really.

tomorrow ill be leaving for the glorious Bali. its time for me to judge if Bali really is all that and more. excluding the bombing of course, that really is terrible. :/ jue&nique are already in Bangkok now, i hope you both have fun :) i miss you two very much.
no, im not sucking up because i want presents.

oh and another not-so-major-but-still-quite-important thing, yes i missed prom. i spend my entire life (most of it) dreaming of the day i would get to wear a pretty dress and actually feel pretty for once in my seventeen-year-old life, and where do i end up? yeah that'd be inhaling Vicks. but you know what? everything turned out prety okay after all. :) God does know his stuff.

i think more people read my blog when i dont actually blog. weird. and kinda funny. maybe i should stop blogging :)

i'm missing you

im crying inside

& nobody knows it but me.

I had chicken rice(again) for lunch today. what about you? :)

I was suddenly plaqued with nostalgia today, & i decided to post up pictures from US. what good worryless fun days we had <3

oh our tatsu :) <3

i miss you.

zomg the greatest ride evah :)

bryan was more jakun than me. hard to believe really.

their signals got mixed up, HAHA.

i wish someone would look at me that way ;D

my love is alive, and not dead.

the Voice Within

courage see me through, heart im trusting you

to bring me home, at last.

I read alot of books that in some way, directly or subtly, depict the main character as the protagonis of the story, or in other words, the hero.

In life i guess its safe to say we rarely meet people we can truly say are heroic; people that claim our unrequited respect; people that we look up to and aspire to be like one day, someday.

I have a hero in my life that has touched so many lives in the quietest way possible. I'd never thought this person would soar to such heights, to be able to claim the respect and love of so many people.

The funny thing is, she really was there all along :)
"You're the hero i never saw because you were cloaked in humility. You were the hero i never realized because you masked your fear with a smile. You are the hero in my life because despite all that life has handed to you, you accept it with grace. I love you."


young girl, dont cry, ill be right here when your world starts to fall.

Music of the Heart

your love is like a river, peaceful & deep

your soul is like a secret that i never could keep.

When i look into your eyes i know that it's true, God must've spent, a little more time, on you :)

i guess this time it's really goodbye.

someday we'll know

your voice was the soundtrack of my summer

do you know you're unlike any other, you'll always be my thunder.

if you know what it's like to feel so alone in a sea of people, to not feel a part of any group, any clique, or even a part of a crowd you are so intensely familiar with, could you please just drop a comment, a word of encouragement, anything really, so i can know im not alone in this? please&manythanks :)

to a quote the one&only great polymoly:

sometimes i think im just better off alone.

spm is a total hoot. only 4teen short days left <3




i miss you like crazy, even more than words can say :)

Thanks for the memories <3

as we go on, we remember

all the times we had together

The Graduation song was playing in my head the night i returned home from my high school graduation. the line that struck me the most was "and as our lives change, come whatever, we will still be friends forever." a promise made from one friend to another that whatever the circumstances, our friendship will not tarnish.

i believe i have found those friends :)


i can't say its been a good five years in sri aman because honestly, it hasn't. just like everybody else i've had my fair share of ups and downs in school. but i will say its been a satisfying five years because despite all the drama, ive survived; and long will the beautiful memories stay with me.


its interesting to see the varying emotions displayed on graduation night. there are some who are sad because high school life is coming to an end, and seperation from friends is the inevitable; and then there are those who are glad to finally move on and be thrown back into a coed environment(dont deny you miss it). for me, its definitely bittersweet. although i am sad that we are all going our seperate paths, im excited to begin a new phase of my life, its a chance to reinvent yourself and start afresh (corny as that sounds).


ive learned that life can throw you some pretty hard blows at times, but if you are able to pull through that, you will never be stronger. ive learned that true friends stick by you not only for the good times, but to help us weather the storms through bad times as well :)






too many graduation pictures, will post after spm (:

A Tribute

live your story, faith, hope and glory

hold to the truth in your heart.

there comes a point in everybody's life, where we are bound to experience a form of loss. it could be a miniscule almost insignificant loss of a dress, a pencil or someone's email address; it could also be a more devastating loss of a loved one, a friend or a spouse. but nonetheless, a loss is a loss; it creates in you an empty void robbed of hope that when something is lost, you can never get it back.

it is heartwrenching to write this knowing i once came so close to losing someone i love so much, and having pulled through that must now endure a loss that is beyond my reach. if you know what it's like to realize that someone or something is slipping from your grasp, and yet you are powerless to do anything, then you will understand how much it really hurts.

HEIDI KOH has been the loyal faithful loving dog that dutifully served my family for over 10 years. tomorrow she will be returning home to reunite with ANGIE in heaven where God awaits to greet her with open arms. although losing a pet is nowhere near comparable to losing a human being, dogs are just like us, only with four legs and the incapability to form sentences.

my only source of comfort now is holding tight to the promise of God that there will be no sicknesses, deformities or tears in heaven. as unbearable as it is to see her leave us, im glad that her suffering will be put to an end; i know she will leave us with a smile. and one day, i will be waiting for her to run into my arms, when we meet again.

HEIDI, you have been the most joyous blessing in this family. for all the times you've guard our house, entertained us with your heidi-ness and made us smile, i thankyou. its been a wonderful ten years, and i vow to hold on to each and every memory till the day we shall meet again. :)

smile through it all.

when it all falls apart

there are days every now and again i pretend

that im okay.

the thing is, people say they understand what you're going through.

but guess what?
you will never understand what it feels like until you've lived through it. NEVER.

it ends tonight.

dont judge, listen

keep holding on, cause you know we'll make it through

just stand strong, cause you know im here for you.

three words can change your life forever. i see rough tides ahead, but i also see hope. i imagine dark clouds and grey skies, but i also see a ray of light guiding the way. as tempting as it is to drown in despair, i choose to fight against the current to get to the surface. why?

because hope is never lost.

che i hope you're doing okay, i know its hard when it feels like you're going through the motions alone, hundreds of miles away from where you want to be. but you're not alone, you never will be. remember to always be strong okay, and take comfort in the fact that God hold's her life in His loving hands. do not be discouraged, because i believe this is but a small hurdle that is going to contribute to something even greater and better in the future.






there's no other way when it comes to the truth; so keep holding on.

someday

every long lost street, led me to where you are

others who broke my heart, they were like nothern stars.

specially for the one who calls me her muse, whatever happens, know that its not without reason. life isn't about how little mistakes you make, but what you choose to make of those mistakes instead. so lets forget about charcoal's & midgets altogether..


its time for a new beginning :) loveyoudarling.



this much i know is true, that god bless the broken road, that led me straight to you.

rockstar oolala

fast lives stuck in the undertow

you know the places you wanna go

today was more fast paced and hectic that my usual get-out-of-bed-and-lollygagging-around routine. but heck it sure was alot more fun :) i had a reallyreally nice time with joash in the morning, had a good heart-to-heart too, a girl could always use that once in awhile.


i had such a pleasant suprise from syed&nelly too which was awesome because i havent seen them in ages! that felt superb.


zomg i have never laughed so much with nique before. endorphins were all rushing to my head, i couldnt think straight, which was why i probably acted like a goof. but hey, it was fun (: we watched I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry.


to end the night of funn-er than fun day, i had a good ranting session(well, it was a little one sided but i enjoyed listening) with manjulimadi. (: vair vair good.


ill post pictures up later when..well..whenever.






meet my rockstar oolala (:

dreams last for so long, even after you're gone

looking at you, holding my breath

for once in my life, im scared to death

im taking a chance, letting you inside.

did you know, a loner does not choose to be alone. most of the time, its because they are so fed up with routinely being disappointed by people. after all, its better to be alone than to get hurt time and time again.

i think im finally learning to grasp the fact that you just can't please everyone. you can't make everybody you're friend. the people who are closest to you can hurt you the most. there is absolutely nothing you can do about it. its like death or taxes, its inevitable.

however, i do thank God for family, and friends that are true to you no matter what. because at the end of the day, thats all that matters :)ive learned to let go of the past, to anticipate the best for my future, and to enjoy the moment called 'now'. because every day is a gift, thats why we call it the PRESENT.

P/s: ms hangiewangie, its the other way around :) ill trade you cuppacakes for rocksweets.

you're not alone, together we stand, ill be by your side you know ill take your hand.

if were were a movie

i know ill be okay

though my skies are turning grey

you can't truly appreciate light before experiencing darkness.
you cant find true friends without enduring storms.
you cant take for granted something that isnt missing.


every cloud has a silver linning.




life's what you make it, so lets make it right.

when you're gone

i wanna make it right, that is the way

to turn my life around, today is the day

its been a difficult few days, but i thank God things are finally starting to look up :) thank you for all your prayers, your concern and endless encouragements. there isnt enough words in the world to say how much it all means to me.






im through with wasting space and time, right now i just wanna appreciate whats mine.

tears in heaven

how could ive planned on forever

when i never planned on you.

whatever happens, we will never leave your side. i love you.

pretty girls & pretty boys

i dont want the world to see me, cause i dont think that theyd understand

when everythings meant to be broken, i just want you to know who i am

whatever happens, life goes on. there's no point in looking back, because mistakes are a part of growing up. dont waste time regretting, because it only wastes precious time and energy.

i dont want to sail through life on good looks and charm; & i dont want to see people through the eyes of the world. i want to forgive, because God forgave.


when you pick up the phone, smile and say hello, because the person on the other end will be able to feel you smiling, even if they cant see you. :)






dont leave anyone behind.

once upon an october

once in a lifetime, means theres no second chance

so i believe that you and me, should grab it while we can

5 Secrets, 5 Truths
5 Things- List 5 things that you want to say to people, but never will.
- Don't say who they are.
- Never discuss it again.

• i know you mean well, but honestly sometimes it feels like you dont give a rats squiggly ass about me; and it hurts. ive learned to put the past behind, but forgiving doesnt mean i forget. everything you've said, & everything you've done, well, i hope you realize someday, sooner if not later, that it leaves an impact. and i hope that you're able to look away from the mirror long enough to see the damage you've left behind.
  


• its hard to say this because we've been through so much together. but im tired of holding it in because its starting to leave a dent in my heart. i now know that all your words are just empty, meaningless. if it wasnt because we were close, i honestly doubt i would care this much. but i still do, care bout you. i just wish that you did too.
  


• you've changed. i dont know what it is exactly, but you weren't the person i knew before. im seeing different sides of you im not quite sure i like. it irritates me because we no longer are able to carry out conversations like we use to, or have heart to hearts like we use to. i dont know what happened, but something did; and im just sad it had to happen to our friendship. you may not realize it yet, but you will.
  


• well i guess its come down to this, because im too much of a coward to tell it to your face, i have to write it here. you made me all these promises; promises that gave me hope that you would somehow find a way to right the wrongs that you've done, promises that lead me to believe you were actually telling the truth, and evidently promises that were nothing more than figments of lies. well congratulations, i dont think i can ever trust you anymore. say what you want, but you and i both know the truth: you never appreciated anything ive done for you. ever.
  


• i love you. i always did and i always will.
  

i dont think blogging emo posts once in awhile are wrong. blogs are like windows that gives us a glimpse into each of our lives; our souls and our hidden desires. and similiarly when we look out every window, not every picture that greets us is pleasant to the eye.

i guess what im trying to say is, people arent perfect. nobody is. so dont go looking for perfection, because flaws can be beautiful too.

throw it away, forget yesterday.

hibernation

hold me close, let your love surround me

bring me near, draw me to your side

there are several reason why i have temporarily abandoned my blog. gosh there were actually so many things i wanted to blog about, so many pictures i wanted to post up. but all thats gone flying out the window now because i am too addicted to youtube. yes, youtube, not facebook :)

it started off with my obsession with whose line is it anyway. its so hilarious, i lololove it; my morphine for happiness.

please if you have not seen it, i implore to go watch it. i swear its addictive. on the other hand, with exams so close...no, you should still watch it. :D

because of the twilight/newmoon/eclipse mania i have succumbed to searching youtube for clips on this, and now ive unintentionally equipped myself with another drug. im hopeless.

gaspard ulliel is almost too perfect for words; personally i think he should play edward cullen. but whatever the outcome, he will always remain gorgeous <3

and so the lion fell in love with the lamb <3

you were meant for me

baby i dont know what love is, maybe im a fool

i just know what im feeling, and its all because of you.

theres one more day left of trials, it feels like spm has already ended, when in reality this is only the beginning of a grueling month ahead. but seriously i dont think many of us are really bothered that much about it anymore, see this is what happens when you force a bunch of form five'ers through an entire month of trials. we get bored. :)

i find watching Oprah extremely and thrice inspiring. i had this crazy notion to write a book entitled "Why I Think Everyone Should Watch Oprah". i still could. hm.

but the gist of it is, i was watching Oprah this afternoon, and she was talking about this little 6 year old african boy called Mark, who was sold by his parents to fishermen to become a child slave. Statistics show that every one in four children in Ghana are sold as slaves when they are only about 4-7 years old :(

camera's travel over 7000 miles to capture the lives of these child slaves. they're bodies are so overdevoloped for their young age, and they are beaten on a constant basis. they're "masters" only allow them food once a day. at 4.30am they rise from their beds on the floor and head out into the pitch black and row themselves out into the freezing cold lake.

these child slaves are putting their lives at stake when they dive under freezing temperatures, and there is the fear that they will be caught in the fishing nets. can you just imagine? a little four old boy clad only in a small t-shirt diving under the lake waters; even when they're sick they have to work.

these are the lives lived by children all throughout Ghana and South Africa. my heart was close to literally shattering as I was so touched by these children; i was driven to tears watching such inhumane actions being carried out on a child.

it was that moment i was reminded of Nurin Jazlin who was brutally raped and murdered in the most cruelest unimaginable way possible. bear in mind she was also just a child. what has happened to the world? everybody has gone barking mad. how could anyone possibly even contemplate hurting a child.




if theres one thing ive learned from all this, is that one person can truly make a difference. you really can. dont be afraid to reach out and help someone, because every life you touch is so precious. dont be hesitant to go the extra mile, go out on a limb for a random act of kindness. everyday we are given chance to create a miracle.






im that star up in the sky, im that mountain peak up high.

party like a rockstar

its our turn and im loving where we're at

because this moment's really all we had.

sigh, im tired.

its like i knew you before we met <3

your guardian angel

gotta pick myself up, where do i start

tell me what do you do, when it all falls apart?

its been a rough week; it still isnt over. dont know who my real friends are, anymore. i put my faith in you, what a stupid thing to do. ill face the unknown, thinking about all the ways that ive grown. i daydreamed about icing on cupcakes today <3

its interesting how God uses people around you to touch you when you need it the most; once again it just goes to show He understands. today i received a little pick-me-up tissue note from a friend, it was such a small gesture, yet the impact went beyond words. at night i received an sms from another friend with four very simple words "i LOVE you mei". four words, four syllables, a mountain of emotions. shortly after that i got a phone call from david mo :) that was indeed the cherry on top of the cake, or hoever that saying goes.

i guess where you begin, isnt necessarily where you will end up. after all, no matter where you're going, it starts from where you are; theres more to life if you listen to your heart.

dont give me a guilt trip, cause im so over it. why am i still craving for cupcakes?!

smack that'

i never saw it coming, i should've started running a long long time ago

and i never thought id doubt you, im better off without you

more than you know.

i have no idea why, but lately ive been having these intense cravings for cupcakes! :) i dreamt back to when nique brought me one of hers, which tasted so delish. <3>

and also when putut suprised me in school with one of her cupcakes, zomg. thats the stuff.

and then i went to sher's blog and found out theres a whole website dedicated for cupcakes! i was salivating on my laptop okay. i defy anyone not to looking at all the yummy gorgeous cupcakes.

i wish someone would suprise me with a box of these! :) pretty please?

its five minutes to midnight, we see our names in city lights.